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Which one is better? parents have to ask the older children to take care of younger children or they must take care of them by themselves. v.3

Which one is better? parents have to ask the older children to take care of younger children or they must take care of them by themselves. v. 3
The question is whether parents should allow older children to take care of younger children or they should do this task by themselves. Everyone in consideration to his private view point may maintain a specific direction toward this issue. Some believe that the older are not mature enough to protect the younger while others have a conviction that giving such a crucial task to the older children can guarantee their current and future life through forming their personality. I am unanimous with the latter group, so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons: To begin with, it is their parents' task to ask them the labors which would reinforce children' s character particularly when children are in an age which can discern what type of work is good for them or bad. Labors such as taking out trashes, helping in house' s work or maintaining kids will cause the older children to find a responsibility toward their family and even friends. Meanwhile, when children recognize that their family have relied on them and required some important tasks, they will attempt to do their best and gradually their self-confidence will boost; as a result, an independent personality will emerge. In addition, one should not forget that setting children in hard conditions would challenge their abilities. For instance, the older children are involved in a wide range of activities like doing assignment, participating in the miscellaneous classes, going to pool or book clubs and playing with their peers and list goes on. Requiring extra labors may give them a power to learn how to manage their work. They need an appropriate plan to take care of their younger siblings and at the same time do their assignment or play with their friends. In such a great circumstance, the older children can become a disciplined person that is very vital for their future. Moreover, when parents offer the older to take care of their younger sisters or brothers, spontaneously a close and friendly relationship will be formed among them. To elucidate take my own experience. When I was a kid, continuously I was struggling with my younger brother; however, later my mother could find a job and she had to spend much time in her workplace; hence, I had to take care of my brother. During several months, our relationship changed and we were behaving kindly with each other. I should confess that it was a turning point in my life. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that asking from the older children to take care of the younger can provides plentiful of merits for them such as improving their management skill, becoming an independent person and even creating a friendly relationship among siblings.
The question is whether parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children or
they should do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
by themselves. Everyone in consideration to his private view point may maintain a specific direction toward this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
while others have a conviction that giving such a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can guarantee their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and future life through forming their personality. I am unanimous with the latter group,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
to ask them the labors which would reinforce
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s character
particularly
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in an age which can discern what type of work is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Labors such as taking out trashes, helping in
Possible spelling mistake found.
house&
#039; s work or maintaining kids will cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find a responsibility toward their family and even friends. Meanwhile, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
recognize that their family have relied on them and required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
, they will attempt to do their best and
gradually
their self-confidence will boost;
as a result
, an independent personality will emerge.

In addition
, one should not forget that setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
conditions would challenge their abilities.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are involved
in a wide range of activities like doing assignment, participating in the miscellaneous classes, going to pool or book clubs and playing with their peers and list goes on. Requiring extra labors may give them a power to learn how to manage their work. They need an appropriate plan to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
siblings and at the same time do their assignment or play with their friends. In such a great circumstance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become a disciplined person
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital for their future.

Moreover
, when parents offer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
sisters or brothers,
spontaneously
a close and friendly relationship will
be formed
among them. To elucidate take my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. When I was a kid,
continuously
I was struggling with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
brother;
however
, later my mother could find a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
she had to spend much time in her workplace;
hence
, I had to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of my brother. During several months, our relationship
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
changed and
we were behaving kindly with each other. I should confess that it was a turning point in my life.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that asking from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
can provides plentiful of merits for them such as improving their management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, becoming an independent person and even creating a friendly relationship among siblings.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Which one is better? parents have to ask the older children to take care of younger children or they must take care of them by themselves. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
459 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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