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Some people believe that it is better to live your life to make as much money as you can, while others think it is better to live a relaxing life. Which do you think is better and give examples. v.2

Some people believe that it is better to live your life to make as much money as you can, while others think it is better to live a relaxing life. Which do you think is better and give examples. v. 2
Most of people believe that person should earn as much as more he can. In my opinion i feel it is important to earn money but it should not be that excessively that you start compromising your lifestyle. I feel this way for mainly two main reason which i will explore in the following essay. First of all i will like to take support of cliche saying but true that health is wealth. this shown you should not compromise your mental peace, health in pursuit of earning money. For instance my uncle saum is a perfect example of this. he used to not take care of his health properly instead he used to be always busy with his business affairs meeting clients, working on the projects and other. he was having a relaxed life always in stress of earning more and more. All was good in initial stage later onwards in his late forty' s his health started to get deteriorate and he was having a heart stroke at very small age. he was died in next few years, he earned a lot of money but he was not their to spend or use that money. So i prefer a less stressful life than a hectic day full time running behind money. Second reason for this is related to adverse effects of not having a lifestyle. when a person is busy earning money he forgets to give proper time to their kids which has dangerous effect in future. Their kids also learn to run behind money and when a person needs support from his kids he is not able to get one because he taught his child to be like that. which results in giving a wrong teaching to your child. For example my neighbours are compelling example of this. he followed a same pattern in turn his child were not feeling attached to their father because he was never their for him whenever he needed he was busy earning money. In conclusion i feel that it is important to earn money or work for money but also important to have relaxed and good lifestyle because it only thing which can save you from future health issues or disorders.
Most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that person should earn as much as more he can. In my opinion
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not be that
excessively
that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
compromising your lifestyle. I feel this way for
mainly
two main reason which
Did you mean "I"?
i
will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
Did you mean "I"?
i
will like to take support of
'cliche' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cliché"
cliche
saying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
shown you should not compromise your mental peace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
my uncle
Possible spelling mistake found.
saum
is a perfect example of this.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to not take care of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
properly
instead
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be always busy with his business affairs meeting clients, working on the projects and other.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
was having a relaxed life always in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
more and more. All was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in initial stage later onwards in his late
Possible spelling mistake found.
forty&
#039; s his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
deteriorate and
he was having a heart stroke at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in
next
few years, he earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he was not their to spend or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
prefer a less stressful life than a hectic day full time running behind money.

Second reason for this
is related
to adverse effects of not having a lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
a person is busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he forgets to give proper time to their kids which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effect
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Their kids
also
learn to run behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and when a person needs support from his kids he is not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he taught his child to be like that.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
results in giving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
teaching to your child.
For example
my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
are compelling example of this.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
followed a same pattern in turn his child were not feeling attached to their father
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was never their for him whenever he needed he was busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
money.

In conclusion
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have relaxed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean the verb "think"?
thing
which can save you from future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues or disorders.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to live your life to make as much money as you can, while others think it is better to live a relaxing life. Which do you think is better and give examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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