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Which one do u want to live in, an extended or a nuclear family? why?

Which one do u want to live in, an extended or a nuclear family? why? eEJjG
Firstly, by living in an extended family, it means there are always some people (members) who are willing to help, especially in emergencies. For example, when the father (whose father? Replace) suddenly needs to go to the vaccination center immediately but realizes that his motorbike is out of gas, other family members can help him easily (dont need) by letting him borrow one of their vehicles. In addition, a large family provides an amazing environment for spending time together and understanding each other more through activities such as playing board games or preparing dinner together, which will connect each member in the family closer. Moreover, this family pattern has noble and traditional values such as rituals, and customs, which can be taught carefully to the latter generation, making children realize familial tradition and know how to behave well with elders. Also, it is not convenient and safe for the old to live alone because of their illnesses an their hoary age. Therefore they need caring from their family members.
Firstly
, by living in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it means there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(members)
who are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
especially
in emergencies.
For example
, when the father (whose father? Replace)
suddenly
needs to go to the vaccination center immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
realizes that his motorbike is out of gas, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him
easily
(
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
need) by letting him borrow one of their vehicles.
In addition
, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
provides an amazing environment for spending time together and understanding each other more through activities such as playing board games or preparing dinner together, which will connect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
closer.

Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
pattern has noble and traditional values such as rituals, and customs, which can
be taught
carefully
to the latter generation, making children realize familial tradition and know how to behave well with elders.

Also
, it is not convenient and safe for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their illnesses
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their hoary" or "an hoary"?
an their hoary
age.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they need caring from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
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IELTS essay Which one do u want to live in, an extended or a nuclear family? why?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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