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Which is more important: improving people's standard of living or protecting the environment?

Which is more important: improving people's standard of living or protecting the environment? pKjV3
Nowadays people working and living wealthy lives with all the comforts, but what are the environmental consequences of this lifestyle? First of all, our houses have become more technological than before. Modern devices such as computer, television and home appliances are become essential, but at the same time, these pieces of technology requires more energy and this means more pollution. Secondly, the employment of services has risen during the last ten years. Although job is essential to our lives, several factories and industries have grown with a huge impact to the emissions of carbon dioxide. Last but not least, not only are employment and housing improving pollution, but also the amount of waste. In fact, industries and house devices have risen the consumerism and mass production, with several effects to the surroundings. In conclusion, both employment and modern standard of living have afflicted our world, in light of this, governments should invest more money in the protection of environment to prevent another climate change.
Nowadays
people
working and living wealthy
lives
with all the comforts,
but
what are the environmental consequences of this lifestyle?

First of all
, our
houses
have become more technological than
before
. Modern devices such as computer, television and home appliances
are become
essential,
but
at the same time, these pieces of technology requires more energy and this means more pollution.

Secondly
, the employment of services has risen during the last ten years. Although job is essential to our
lives
, several factories and industries have grown with a huge impact to the emissions of carbon dioxide.

Last
but
not least, not
only
are employment and housing improving pollution,
but
also
the amount of waste. In fact, industries and
house
devices have risen the consumerism and mass production, with several effects to the surroundings.

In conclusion
, both employment and modern standard of living have afflicted our world, in light of this,
governments
should invest more money in the protection of environment to
prevent
another climate
change
.
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IELTS essay Which is more important: improving people's standard of living or protecting the environment?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
164 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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