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The reason why you stand out and want to achieve your goal

The reason why you stand out and want to achieve your goal q0j7p
The reason why I think I deserve to get the scholarship is that I am someone who always challenges myself and I want to be someone who can bring new changes and impact to the world in the future. For instance, how the world economy is very uneven across countries and looks set to register only in the developed countries, whereas my home country Indonesia as a developing country is left behind and struggles to keep track and provide sustainable development towards the world’s economy. On top of that, the technology development in Indonesia is way behind other countries that really motivates me to change how things are. Being born and raised in Indonesia made me realize how hard it is to find new opportunities for a job, thus making me realize I need to change how things are and plan to create and establish a non-governmental organization in my home country Indonesia. Creating a new platform and a new set of opportunities will definitely help and benefit my country from a lot of aspects. Although it may create a new set of opportunities for people it doesn’t close the fact that it will immediately create a major impact, I would rather be someone who is willing to take the first step than someone who is afraid to undertake various challenges to try new things.
The reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I deserve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the scholarship is that I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always challenges myself and I want to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and impact to the world in the future.
For instance
, how the world economy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
uneven across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and looks set to register
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, whereas my home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Indonesia as a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind and struggles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and provide sustainable development towards the world’s economy.
On top of that
, the technology development in Indonesia is way behind other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that
really
motivates me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
how things are.
Being born
and raised in Indonesia made me realize how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
it is to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities for a job,
thus
making me realize I need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
how things are and plan to create and establish a non-governmental organization in my home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Indonesia. Creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
platform and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
set of opportunities will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and benefit my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects. Although it may create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
set of opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
it doesn’t close the fact that it will immediately create a major impact, I would
rather
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is willing to take the
first
step than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is afraid to undertake various challenges to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
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IELTS essay The reason why you stand out and want to achieve your goal

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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