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How do you feel about using animals for medical research?

How do you feel about using animals for medical research? pKjg3
The use of animals in scientific research has been one of the important debate through the past decade. On one hand, it is consider wrong to use animals for the benefit of human beings. On the other hand by removing animals from lab would impede experts understanding of health and disease, and consequently affect the development of new and vital treatments. In what possible way can experts remove animals from their lab? As much as I agree with people who believe that using animals in experimental researches is most likely cruel, but I have admit there is not much solution for that. one of the first the comes to my mind is reducing the usage of animals in researches. By improving experimental techniques and sharing information with other researchers so that the same experiments aren’t being done by many people. Why don’t people volunteer with their own will to be part of the scientific researches? In this way no one force anything or anyone to do something. furthermore a job create, probably with a good payment because you're risking your life. There for in my personal opinion using our own kind in labs is more civilized then using Animals due to the reason that public can join these part of experiences with their own choice.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
has been one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
debate through the past decade. On one hand, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the benefit of human beings.
On the other hand
by removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from lab would impede experts understanding of health and disease, and
consequently
affect the development of new and vital treatments. In what possible way can experts remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from their lab?

As much as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in experimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
is most likely cruel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have
Use past participle here: "admitted".
admit
there is not much solution for that.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
of the
first
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my mind is reducing the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
. By improving experimental techniques and sharing information with other researchers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the same experiments aren’t
being done
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Why don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
volunteer with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
will to be part of the scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
? In this way no one force anything or anyone to do something.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
a job create,
probably
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
payment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you're risking your life.

There for in my personal opinion using our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kind in labs is more civilized
Did you mean "than"?
then
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
due to the reason that public can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
these part of experiences with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.
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IELTS essay How do you feel about using animals for medical research?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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