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Which is more important- friends or family?

Which is more important- friends or family? xXOo
Family and friends are really important because they help us during our transition to adulthood. But why are they important? Who of them is more important? Firstly, both give you plans that you can enjoy such as going to the theme park. But there are plans that you can only enjoy yourself with your friends. For example, going to a party and drink a bit of alcohol without being judged. Secondly, family is there when you have moments of falling down or some kind of problems. Also, close friends sometimes can give you support as your family. People that are really part of your family and friends are whenever you need them. Finally, people believe that everyone who follows them are friends thanks to the increased fame ofsocial media. This is not true because the true friends can be counted with your fingers. To sum up, both of them can help and make plans with us but their differences are in the kind of plans or the type of support that they give us. I truly believe that both are important but their importance lives on the kind of things they do for our development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us during our transition to adulthood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why are they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
? Who of them is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
?

Firstly
, both give you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
that you can enjoy such as going to the theme park.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
that you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoy yourself with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
For example
, going to a party and drink a bit of alcohol without
being judged
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is there when you have moments of falling down or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of problems.
Also
, close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can give you support as your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
that are
really
part of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are whenever you need them.

Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that everyone who follows them are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
thanks to the increased fame
Possible spelling mistake found.
ofsocial
media. This is not true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
be counted
with your fingers.

To sum up, both of them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
with us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their differences are in the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
or the type of support that they give us. I
truly
believe that both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their importance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on the kind of things they do for our development.
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IELTS essay Which is more important- friends or family?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
195 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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