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Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. ajJo
Many countries which focused on working were move up the world than others. In my book working for plethora of time make perfect ecosystem. Firstly i would like to talk about China, it is the popular country has many hard workers. China has a lot of industry and companies. In addition, everyday they manufacture many cars, kitchen machines, appliance and many other things. Moreover they did not have weekends or particular time for they leisure but you found them all happy with their hectic work. They concern on work and education only, that is why they are the most popular country with industry and economic prosperity. Secondly the other country which have fixed time hours and tried to focus on their leisure time more than works. They were not producing country but they were consuming country. Those countries which China works on them. Their ecosystem were not prosperity. In addition they only concern with their amuse and travelling some other emphasized on making family and eating. To sum, Countries which focus on their jobs and industries are the wealthy one. It is also about working smart but not hard. So i am largely agreement with working more time is the successful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "moved".
move
up the world than others. In my book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
perfect ecosystem.

Firstly
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to talk about China, it is the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers. China has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
industry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
In addition
, everyday they manufacture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cars, kitchen machines, appliance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they did not have weekends or particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for they leisure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you found them all happy with their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They concern on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
that is
why they are the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with industry and economic prosperity.

Secondly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
hours and tried to focus on their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more than works. They were not producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they were consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which China works on them. Their ecosystem were not prosperity. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concern with their amuse and travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
emphasized on making family and eating.

To sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
which focus on their jobs and industries are the wealthy one. It is
also
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
smart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am
largely
agreement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the successful.
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IELTS essay Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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