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Grandparents play a big role in the bringing up their grandchildren. Do you think it it useful for grandparents to be involved ?

Grandparents play a big role in the bringing up their grandchildren. Do you think it it useful for grandparents to be involved? gjAA
Undoubtedly, grandparents play a vital role in the overall development of their grandchildren. I strongly support that the grandparents should indulge in upbringing as they can enrich the children with their life learning experiences and at the same time, it can be a supportive gesture for the working parent. First and foremost, it is an accepted fact that if the grandparents are around the children, they can learn many important aspects of life with the help of grandparents, which they have learned through their years of experience. The experience can make aware the children about various struggles of life in advance, which will be beneficial for their intellectual development. A recent study has shown that more than 90% children perform well during their school days if they have the guidance of their grandparents. Due to the above-mentioned reasons, I fully support this viewpoint. Secondly, if grandparents are taking care of their grandchildren, it provides great support to the working couples, which remain largely unavailable due to their jobs. It can help the working professionals to free from the household worries and they can fully concentrate on their careers. Furthermore, if the working couple has support from family members it can motivate them to achieve greater success in their life, for instance, a recent statistics have revealed that more than 90% of women working with various means give credit to their parents for their success, as they devote their entire time to look after their children. In conclusion, Grandparents must be involved in the upbringing process of their grandchildren as it can give them the opportunity to learn lifelong experiences and it can also be a great support for working-class people.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
play a vital role in the
overall
development of their grandchildren. I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
should indulge in upbringing as they can enrich the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and at the same time, it can be a supportive gesture for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
parent.

First
and foremost, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, which they have learned through their years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
aware the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about various struggles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in advance, which will be beneficial for their intellectual development. A recent study has shown that more than 90%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
perform well during their school days if they have the guidance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. Due to the above-mentioned reasons, I
fully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
this viewpoint.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are taking care of their grandchildren, it provides great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
couples, which remain
largely
unavailable due to their jobs. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
professionals to free from the household
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worries and
they can
fully
concentrate on their careers.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
couple has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from family members it can motivate them to achieve greater success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
for instance
, a recent statistics have revealed that more than 90% of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with various means give credit to their parents for their success, as they devote their entire time to look after their children.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be involved
in the upbringing process of their grandchildren as it can give them the opportunity to learn lifelong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and it can
also
be a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for working-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay Grandparents play a big role in the bringing up their grandchildren. Do you think it it useful for grandparents to be involved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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