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which influences them to be more capable and useful people as adults. Because both perspectives have benefits, I believe that both the competition and cooperation should be done equally well.

which influences them to be more capable and useful people as adults. Because both perspectives have benefits, I believe that both the competition and cooperation should be done equally well. 9YYy0
It is argued that youngsters should be educated more competitively or cooperatively which influences them to be more capable and useful people as adults. Because both perspectives have benefits, I believe that both the competition and cooperation should be done equally well. On the one hand, there are some attitudes that competitions might cause some stress for children. When they are confronted with the sense of competition, they tend to become senior among others. This might create some stressful situations for them. However, if these competitions are healthy, this feeling would not only have a positive impact but also be effective for creating many successful people by strengthening their abilities and increasing their expertise. In order to achieve success, they would put in a lot of effort and spend time expanding their knowledge. Therefore, children are likely to be more progressive, even if they could not accomplish goals or win in competitions. On the other hand, there are several advantages of cooperation which are important for employees nowadays. Team working simply is not being able to get along with others, and it requires several essential skills to make it efficient such as listening skills, communication skills, and taking responsibility. If children were taught to be a part of teamwork in the proper way, they would have many chances to practice these skills. They tend to become more adaptable and gain a strong background to be valuable adults in the future. In my opinion, this method would also make them rise, without being oppressed by the ones who love to deal with competitions. In conclusion, after looking through several aspects of the two views, I think that we should consider a balance between the educational methods to raise children most effectively and have a better life.
It
is argued
that youngsters should
be educated
more
competitively
or
cooperatively
which influences them to be more capable and useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
both perspectives have benefits, I believe that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and cooperation should
be done
equally
well.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attitudes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When they
are confronted
with the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, they tend to become senior among others. This might create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stressful situations for them.
However
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
are healthy, this feeling would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be effective for creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by strengthening their abilities and increasing their expertise. In order to achieve success, they would put in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and spend time expanding their knowledge.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to be more progressive, even if they could not accomplish goals or win in competitions.

On the other hand
, there are several advantages of cooperation which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for employees nowadays. Team working
simply
is not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with others, and it requires several essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it efficient such as listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and taking responsibility. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were taught
to be a part of teamwork in the proper way, they would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to practice these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. They tend to become more adaptable and gain a strong background to be valuable adults in the future. In my opinion, this method would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them rise, without
being oppressed
by the ones who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to deal with competitions.

In conclusion
, after looking through several aspects of the two views, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should consider a balance between the educational methods to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
most
effectively
and have a better life.
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IELTS essay which influences them to be more capable and useful people as adults. Because both perspectives have benefits, I believe that both the competition and cooperation should be done equally well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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