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Which causes do you think are happening with the art? What would be a good way to have people's attention for the art?

Which causes do you think are happening with the art? What would be a good way to have people's attention for the art? 0n6DB
Which causes do you think are happening with the art? What would be a good way to have people's attention for the art? In this essay I would write about how the art has been losing the attention of the people, over the years, has been losing its importance every time, which means that people no longer care like the people of years or centuries past. At first in the old ages the art was the most important thing of that time and it was incredible to see how much culture has been captured in a painting, sculpture, ect. The people not longer want to study art´s because they said they would died of hunger, but to others is the thing more important for them because like the old days the art is something that they can represent themselves how they feel or represent someone, so I think that art issomething very important for the people even if they don´t are very fan of it, it makes a change in them. I know that in this days the more important things are the internet, phones and socialmedias but we can make a change in order to have the attention. In the internet we can promote the arts of many people we can make new website so they can visit and see the different proyects, and also buy it, another way we can cout the attention is making many exhibitions so they can go to the place and see them and also raffles. In conclusion we have to preserve and maintain art because it is also a way of representing ourselves and the outside, it is to give a message without any words.
Which causes do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
are happening with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
? What would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
for the art?

In this essay I would write about how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has been losing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, over the years, has been losing its importance every time, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer care like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of years or centuries past.

At
first
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
was the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing of that time and it was incredible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how much culture has
been captured
in a painting, sculpture,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not longer want to study
The character between 'art' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "art’s" (curly apostrophe) or "art's" (straight apostrophe).
art´s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they said they would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "die"
died
of hunger,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to others is the thing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
like the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is something that they can represent themselves how they feel or represent someone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Possible spelling mistake found.
issomething
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even if they
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "don't" or "don’t".
don´t
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fan of it, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in them.

I know that in
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
things are the internet, phones and socialmedias
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in order to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
.
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
In the internet
we can promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new website
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can visit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
proyects
, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it, another way we can
Possible spelling mistake found.
cout
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
is making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
exhibitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can go to the place and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them and
also
raffles.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, we".
conclusion we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
preserve and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
also
a way of representing ourselves and the outside, it is to give a message without any words.
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IELTS essay Which causes do you think are happening with the art? What would be a good way to have people's attention for the art?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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