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I will analyse how we have evolved up to a point where we have shown a change in our interests, as we prefer science, technology and business over the arts.

I will analyse how we have evolved up to a point where we have shown a change in our interests, as we prefer science, technology and business over the arts. mW2dr
In this essay I will analyse how we have evolved up to a point where we have shown a change in our interests, as we prefer science, technology and business over the arts. As a result we obtain the society in which we live, one with a decrease of knowledge and practice in this important area. Nowadays science, technology and business have become a big part of our lives due to the contributions they have shown throughout the years. They had a big development of which we found rewards, as they help us and make our lives easier. Therefore we put all our attention to this, because being interested in it will help you to be up to the constant changes we go through as we are putting our future in their hands. On the other hand, arts are underrated because we even found them boring. Generally speaking, people often think that art is only about painting, when it involves so much more and in different ways, such as in music, sculpture, dance, literature, theater, photography, not to mention others. There are so many areas of which we can explore and find one of our likings. From my perspective, there is a big comparison between arts and science, technology and business, but despite their differences I can conclude they are all necessary and essential in our lives. For this reason, I think we should redirect people's attention to arts by letting them know their importance and all the benefits it provides, for instance, it is not only fun, but also a way to explore and explode our creativity to its fullest, it also helps to our health as it reduces stress, besides it is an excellent method to express ourselves by using different mechanisms and techniques.
In this essay I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
how we have evolved up to a point where we have shown a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our interests, as we prefer science, technology and business over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
As a result
we obtain the society in which we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, one with a decrease of knowledge and practice in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
area.

Nowadays science, technology and business have become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
due to the contributions they have shown throughout the years. They had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
development of which we found rewards, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
easier.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
we put all our attention to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being interested
in it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to be up to the constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
we go through as we are putting our future in their hands.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are underrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we even found them boring.
Generally
speaking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about painting, when it involves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much more and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, such as in music, sculpture, dance, literature, theater, photography, not to mention others. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas of which we can explore and find one of our
Possible spelling mistake found.
likings
.

From my perspective, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
comparison between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and science, technology and business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
despite their differences I can conclude they are all necessary and essential in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For this reason
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should redirect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by letting them know their importance and all the benefits it provides,
for instance
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a way to explore and explode our creativity to its fullest, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to our health as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
besides
it is an excellent method to express ourselves by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mechanisms and techniques.
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IELTS essay I will analyse how we have evolved up to a point where we have shown a change in our interests, as we prefer science, technology and business over the arts.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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