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whether to have increase the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve health or not

whether to have increase the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve health or not 2rjy6
A highly controversial issue today relates to whether to have increase the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve health or not. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points and give my opinion. There are people who argue that the benefits of increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve health. Increasing the number of sports in the individual life will create a discipline and it will also help in improving health because the sports will engage you with the physical activity. The overweight individuals will burn more calories in the different sports. The intense level of different sports is different. For eg. in football the calories burn during playing is more as compared to cricket. In football you have to run all the time to chase the ball. There is disadvantage also if you play multiple sports. The injury may occur fast because you have giving over stress your body. It might lead to major breakdown of the body. On the other hand, others believe that it will have little effect on public health and others measures are also required. To improve health one should be physically fit as well as his/her eating habits must be clean. Health can’t be achieved only by physical activities. One you also control their eating habits. For example, if someone is running 5 kilometres daily and after the running if he/she is going to eat fast food like burgers, pizzas etc. daily then the calories they have burned while running goes in waste. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that including in physical activities like sports is necessary and having balance diet is also important element to improve health.
A
highly
controversial issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to whether to have increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or not. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points and give my opinion.

There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that the benefits of increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the individual life will create a discipline and it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will engage you with the physical activity. The overweight individuals will burn more calories in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The intense level of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. For
The abbreviation "e.g." (= for example) requires two periods.
eg.
in football the calories burn during playing is more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to cricket. In
The comma is probably missing here: "football, you".
football you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
run all the time to chase the ball. There is disadvantage
also
if you play multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The injury may occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you have giving over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
your body. It might lead to major breakdown of the body.

On the other hand
, others believe that it will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effect on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
measures are
also
required. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
one should be
physically
fit
as well
as his/her eating habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be clean.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
can’t
be achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by physical activities. One you
also
control their eating habits.
For example
, if someone is running 5
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
daily and after the running if he/she is going to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food like burgers, pizzas etc. daily then the calories they have burned while running goes in waste.

In conclusion
, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that including in physical activities like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is necessary and having balance diet is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
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IELTS essay whether to have increase the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve health or not

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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