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Do you think that the tax on alcohol should be raised

Do you think that the tax on alcohol should be raised q5m8X
Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to serious health problems and bring many disadvantages to society. In my opinion, taxes on alcohol should be raised by the government to discourage alcoholism and prevent the adverse consequences of alcohol-related problems harms. First of all, the government must adopt strategic approaches and regulations to restrict the availability of alcoholic beverages to the people to prevent heavy drinking, because it is linked to fatal chronic diseases such as cancer, brain damage, hepatitis or cirrhosis, malnutrition, heart diseases and mental health problems. Large amounts of alcohol can even lead to coma or death, therefore, the production and sale of the alcohol should be strictly controlled under the government laws and policies to reduce the harmful uses of alcohol. Secondly, there should be stricter laws and punishments about drunk-driving to reduce eliminate the fatal road accidents especially in developing countries. Moreover, the government should also enact strong laws about the legal drinking age for purchasing and consuming alcohol because even the young children in Myanmar are allowed to buy alcoholic drinks easily without getting punished. Many public education programs should be implemented to raise the public’s awareness of the danger of alcoholism and addiction. In conclusion, the government plays a crucial role to in combatting alcoholism and in decreasing the negative consequences of excessive alcohol consumption in society. Also, the whole community should abide by the to enacted laws and regulations to create a healthy and happy world.
Excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
consumption can lead to serious health problems and bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages to society. In my opinion, taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should
be raised
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to discourage alcoholism and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the adverse consequences of alcohol-related problems harms.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
adopt strategic approaches and regulations to restrict the availability of alcoholic beverages to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
heavy drinking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is linked
to fatal chronic diseases such as cancer, brain damage, hepatitis or cirrhosis, malnutrition, heart diseases and mental health problems. Large amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
can even lead to coma or death,
therefore
, the production and sale of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should be
strictly
controlled under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the harmful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of alcohol.

Secondly
, there should be stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and punishments about drunk-driving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
eliminate the fatal road accidents
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
enact strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
about the legal drinking age for purchasing and consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even the young children in Myanmar are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
alcoholic drinks
easily
without getting punished.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
public education programs should
be implemented
to raise the public’s awareness of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of alcoholism and addiction.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a crucial role to in
Possible spelling mistake found.
combatting
alcoholism and in decreasing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
consumption in society.
Also
, the whole community should abide by the to enacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and regulations to create a healthy and happy world.
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IELTS essay Do you think that the tax on alcohol should be raised

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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