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Whether the appearance of more advertisements exerts a positive or negative impact is a matter of controversy

Whether the appearance of more advertisements exerts a positive or negative impact is a matter of controversy KV33k
Whether the appearance of more advertisements exerts a positive or negative impact is a matter of controversy. Some people reckon that the prevalence of commercials jeopardizes people’s budget, while others reckon that this trend boosts sales. I firmly think that the benefits of this development are more significant On the one hand, It is undeniable that the surge in quantities of commercials exerts several undesirable impacts on both customers and businesses. First, it triggers consumer impulsive purchase behavior, leading to a huge waste of money. Taking my sister as a telling example, by watching numerous television commercials, she purchases a myriad of unnecessary things which jeopardises her own budget. Second, being overwhelmingly surrounded by advertisements causes a nuisance to people, especially when their favorite program is constantly being interrupted by irrelevant promotions. What’s more, Advertising might at the same time help businesses to increase their sales, yet, are also costly and thus could put a heavy financial burden on enterprises themselves. On the other hand, I believe that the merits of the prevalence of adverts can negate the aforementioned drawbacks. First, the varied form of advertisements of the same products provides a lot of valuable information, which allows customers to compare among different brands. As a result, customers would be able to make better shopping choices and buy the optimal goods. Second, thanks to advertising, businesses can promote product images to everyone, leading to an increase in profit and sales. The “ share a coke campaign” perfectly exemplifies this example. By dint to this marketing strategy, Coca Cola has led to an increase not only in revenue but also brand awareness. In conclusion, While the increasingly ubiquitous appearance of advertisements causes a huge waste of money to customers and businesses, I believe it is largely advantageous and thus we should promote the development of commercials.
Whether the appearance of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
exerts a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact is a matter of controversy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that the prevalence of commercials jeopardizes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s budget, while others reckon that this trend boosts sales. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the benefits of this development are more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
significant


On the one hand, It is undeniable that the surge in quantities of commercials exerts several undesirable impacts on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
First
, it triggers consumer impulsive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
behavior, leading to a huge waste of money. Taking my sister as a telling example, by watching numerous television commercials, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
a myriad of unnecessary things which
Do not mix variants of the same word ('jeopardise' and 'jeopardize') within a single text.
jeopardises
her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budget. Second, being
overwhelmingly
surrounded by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
causes a nuisance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
when their favorite program is
constantly
being interrupted
by irrelevant promotions. What’s more, Advertising might at the same time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to increase their sales,
yet
, are
also
costly and
thus
could put a heavy financial burden on enterprises themselves.

On the other hand
, I believe that the merits of the prevalence of adverts can negate the aforementioned drawbacks.
First
, the varied form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of the same products provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable information, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to compare among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better shopping choices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the optimal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Second, thanks to advertising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can promote product images to everyone, leading to an increase in profit and sales. The
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
share a coke campaign”
perfectly
exemplifies this example. By dint to this marketing strategy, Coca Cola has led to an increase not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in revenue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brand awareness.

In conclusion
, While the
increasingly
ubiquitous appearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
causes a huge waste of money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, I believe it is
largely
advantageous and
thus
we should promote the development of commercials.
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IELTS essay Whether the appearance of more advertisements exerts a positive or negative impact is a matter of controversy

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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