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some parents and teachers think that there should be more rules and less freedom for children to have bright life. do you agree or disagree with this?

some parents and teachers think that there should be more rules and less freedom for children to have bright life. with this? 86G0P
It is the principal duty of parents and teachers to help their children evolve into a responsible citizen to survive in the modern society. For this, they make use of every possible mode to help their children mould into disciplined one. One of such method is lining more rules and providing lesser liberity. However, I opposed it as because it generates hindrance in their growing up period. To commence with, firstly, there are those set of people who asserts that making large numbers of rules would transform jouveniles into the disciplined citizens in future. For instance, children who are nurtured in much discipline environs behave unpredicatably mischievous in the absence of their guardians and when they left alone. Furthermore, creating number of restrictions would provide opportunity to parents to be fearless a their children would not cought by crimes and drugs. For example, more rules builds the sense of terror in jouvenile's mind which helps keeping them far away from uncivilized deeds. On flip side, other set of individuals advocates that there will be no utilization of implimenting rules due to the fact that they have a tender age which discloses that they do not have adequate sense of right and wrong facts. Although, being parents and scholars it is our fundamental duty to create certain amount of rules and shed light on the right path to follow for them. In the nut shell, I personally do not believe in the conservative statement of making more rules and alloting small amount of freedom. Also, this reduce the psychological and physical growth. I am not advocating that we should completely remove the restriction as because this will make young generation as fearless from parents and teachers and this would definitely end up by making them wild civilians.
It is the principal duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
evolve into a responsible citizen to survive in the modern society. For this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of every possible mode to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
into disciplined one. One of such method is lining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and providing lesser
Possible spelling mistake found.
liberity
.
However
, I opposed it as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it generates hindrance in their growing up period.

To commence with,
firstly
, there are those set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who asserts that making large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
would transform
Possible spelling mistake found.
jouveniles
into the disciplined citizens
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are nurtured
in much discipline environs behave
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpredicatably
mischievous in the absence of their guardians and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone.

Furthermore
, creating number of restrictions would provide opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be fearless a their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not
Possible spelling mistake found.
cought
by crimes and drugs.
For example
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
builds the sense of terror in
Possible spelling mistake found.
jouvenile
's mind which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
keeping them far away from uncivilized deeds.

On flip side, other set of individuals advocates that there will be no utilization of
Possible spelling mistake found.
implimenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
due to the fact that they have a tender age which discloses that they do not have adequate sense of right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
facts. Although, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and scholars it is our fundamental duty to create certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and shed light on the right path to follow for them.

In the nut shell, I
personally
do not believe in the conservative statement of making more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
alloting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of freedom.
Also
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the psychological and physical growth. I am not advocating that we should completely remove the restriction as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young generation as fearless from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers and this would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up by making them wild civilians.
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IELTS essay some parents and teachers think that there should be more rules and less freedom for children to have bright life. with this?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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