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Whether students should do volunteer works or not

Whether students should do volunteer works or not 3LRE5
Volunteering is not only a wonderful experience, but it also allows students to contribute to the community. So that, to my way of thinking, students at universities should be required to volunteer. Doing volunteered work in the community is a great opportunity for university students due to the following reasons below. To begin with, volunteering is a very easy way to find a job after graduation for students. Because the fact that employers prefer hire someone with experiences rather than who with non experiences. Therefore, students should be forced to participate in community service in order to get more opportunities to compete for their future jobs. Secondly, getting involved in volunteering is not only a great chance to give back to the community, but also improving your social skills. For example, being shy can be challenging for many university students, so when doing volunteer works, it requires them to connect with each other and it could help pupils be more self-confident as well as contributing new friendships. This is why volunteering could be a good way to develop social skills. Therefore, it is necessary to do volunteer works due to its benefits for students. Finally, by mandating students to do community works, it is not only building educated citizens, but also improving social environment. The reason for it is that when students engaged in volunteer projects such as environmental cleanup or trash collection. As a result, they will be more conscious of their living environment and desire to protect it. In conclusion, after giving the advantages of these points of view. I believe that it is necessary to require university students doing community services.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Volunteering
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a wonderful experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, to my way of thinking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
be required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
. Doing volunteered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is a great opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
due to the following reasons below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy way to find a job after graduation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the fact that employers prefer hire someone with experiences
rather
than who with non experiences.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be forced
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities to compete for their future jobs.

Secondly
, getting involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a great chance to give back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
improving your social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, being shy can be challenging for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
works, it requires them to connect with each other and it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pupils be more self-confident
as well
as contributing new friendships. This is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to develop social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, it is necessary to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
works due to its benefits for students.

Finally
, by mandating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
building educated citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
improving social environment. The reason for it is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
projects such as environmental cleanup or trash collection.
As a result
, they will be more conscious of their living environment and desire to protect it.

In conclusion
, after giving the advantages of these points of view. I believe that it is necessary to require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
services.
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IELTS essay Whether students should do volunteer works or not

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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