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Whether people attracted to advertising or not.

Whether people attracted to advertising or not. m1wKr
Advertisements is often seen in everyday life. There is not day that I do not see them. So they become very common. In fact, I am not distracted by the advertisements I watch every day. The way of advertising is important to attract many customers. These days, there are a lot of them. For example, TV, smart phone and so on. First, there is a smart phone as a way of advertising. In particular, YouTube is a classic example. Advertising video comes out in the middle of video. I feel uncomfortable when it occur because the video which I watch is interrupted. Some people will even get irritated. That has opposite effect on the effect. However, there is a moment that the advertising video which suit for my something interesting comes out in the middle of video. Then, I can not help but look at it. In addition, the advertising video is interesting because it is cartoon style advertising video. Like that, the video which suit for one’s interest. There is a system that AI chooses the best advertisement for the person. A lot of people will be attracted by this way. Second, there is TV as a way of advertising. Many people often watch TV. The range of target is wide and it depends on the time. For example, people who watch TV in the morning contain many children. People who do it at night contain many adults. It is important to change the kind of advertisement. In Japan, the advertisement which relate alcoholic drink often appear on television at night. Because many adults watch TV and most children go to bed. These reasons, whether people are attracted to advertising or not depends on the target, time and so on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
You should probably use: "are" or "were".
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in everyday life. There is not day that I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common. In fact, I am not distracted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
every day. The way of advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
customers. These days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them.
For example
, TV, smart phone and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

First
, there is a smart phone as a way of advertising.
In particular
, YouTube is a classic example. Advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out in the middle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
. I feel uncomfortable when it
Did you mean "occurs"?
occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
which I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
is interrupted
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
irritated. That has opposite effect on the effect.
However
, there is a moment that the advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
which suit for my something interesting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out in the middle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
. Then, I can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
look at it.
In addition
, the advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
is interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is cartoon style advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
. Like that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
which suit for one’s interest. There is a system that AI chooses the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
for the person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be attracted
by this way.

Second, there is TV as a way of advertising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV. The
Possible agreement error. The noun 'target' seems to be countable; consider using: "range of targets".
range of target
is wide and it depends on the time.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV in the morning contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who do it at night contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. In Japan, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which relate alcoholic drink
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
appear on television at night.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV and most children go to bed.

These reasons, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to advertising or not depends on the target, time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
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IELTS essay Whether people attracted to advertising or not.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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