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whether music be removed from school program

whether music be removed from school program yXPqr
one of the highly controversial topics today relates to whether music is a crucial subject for students to learn at school. from my perspective, while I agree that music would bring multiple mental and emotional values for teenagers but it is by no means indispensable in the school curriculum. on the one hand, people often argue that music is just a waste of time. indeed, students have already been burdened with other academic subjects, thus adding music subjects will enhance their workload. the sheer volume of knowledge including formulas, notions, ideas, etc that children are expected to internalize is staggering. it is simply delusional to expect that they have proper time left for essential tests, let alone learning extra music subjects. additionally, music would not be able to math skills such as reasoning, crucial thinking, analyzing, etc which act as the single most contributory element for youngsters to bettering the future life. on the other hand, despite its disadvantages, from my perspective, learning music must not be downplayed lightly for various reasons. Firstly, music allows students to reduce the stress after studying raw science subjects. after cramming a great amount of academic knowledge, what students need is to unwind by physical as well as mental activities to balance their minds. singing songs, for instance, along with the appealing melody and without raw academic formulas will bring positive emotions for such students. secondly, nowadays music has been a billion-dollar industry, thus there is numerous jobs prospect for youngsters in such area. in fact, many singers succeeded and even gained the zenith of their music career.
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one
of the
highly
controversial topics
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today
relates to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for
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students
to learn at school.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
my perspective, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
would bring multiple mental and emotional values for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is by no means indispensable in the school curriculum.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of time.
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indeed
,
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students
have already
been burdened
with other academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
thus
adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will enhance their workload.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
sheer volume of knowledge including formulas, notions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, etc that children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to internalize is staggering.
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it
is
simply
delusional to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that they have proper time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone learning extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
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additionally
,
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music
would not be able to math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as reasoning, crucial thinking, analyzing, etc which act as the single most contributory element for youngsters to bettering the future life.

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on
the other hand, despite its disadvantages, from my perspective, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be downplayed
lightly
for various reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after studying raw science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
cramming a great amount of academic knowledge, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need is to unwind by physical
as well
as mental activities to balance their minds.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
singing
songs,
for instance
, along with the appealing melody and without raw academic formulas will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotions for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has been a billion-dollar industry,
thus
Did you mean "there are numerous jobs"?
there is numerous jobs
prospect for youngsters in such area.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
singers succeeded and even gained the zenith of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
career.
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IELTS essay whether music be removed from school program

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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