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whether movies and television carry more positive effects for young or more negative impacts v.2

whether movies and television carry more positive effects for young or more negative impacts v. 2
It goes without any shadowing of doubt that movies and televisions bring people a lot of advantages and disadvantages since they hold different opinions and concepts. One of the heated controversies regarded to pros and cons of movies and television is that whether they carry more positive effects for young or more negative impacts. Many people are of the opinion that they have considerable positive effects so that their negative effect cannot be seen, while others think otherwise. I, personally, subscribe to the idea that their negative impacts outweigh obviously positive ones. Not only do they waste the priceless time of young, but also they cause young to obtain wrong information and point of view. To begin with, considering the prime time of people, youth, and the way of using it which can flourish or languish future of young people, spending the time to watching every movie and television is a big waste of time. To clarify this notion, young people have a lot to do all of which are necessary to do as far as their success is concerned; like their schools' task, their secondary activities like their art classes and so forth. Considering the addictive essence of movies and television, students spend a lot of their time to watch them. They could use such a great period of time to learn a lot of things because their mental abilities are at the peak in this period of their lives. They can adapt different skills by participating in workshops activities, social activities and so more. Psychologically speaking, as we grow, our mental ability decreases and it is unavoidable. The memory of the youngs cannot be comparable with older' one. For instance, my sister and I held different approaches in our youth. She always watched movies and television; in contrast, I attended to different class like painting class, volleyball class and so more. These priceless experiences helped me to find my interest, and now I am a successful painter. By the contrast, my sister lost that precious time at the expense of watching some movies, and now she has not a prosperous life. Secondly, it is not to mention that in this modern life, everything is in the hand of powerful people around the world like wealthy companies, political people and so forth, and the concept of movies and television' s programs are no exception. They often get advantage from some incorrect information, concept, and reports on television. Considering such a frustrating fact, we cannot find accurate and reliable information via television and so more. This unavoidable occurrence brings people, especially young people, irrecoverable influences. Young people are more exposed to incorrect knowledge since they have not achieved enough experiences throughout their lives, unlike older ones that are equipped with a good wisdom to separate correct and incorrect information thanks to their innumerable experiences. If the youngs fellow movies and television, they would find some negative ideas most of which can affect adversely their lives. In summary, with all this taken into account, I do believe that the movies and television negative effect is really noticeable in young people. They not only waste the beyond the price time of people young but also give them misunderstanding about real life.
It goes without any shadowing of doubt that
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movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of advantages and disadvantages since they hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
opinions and concepts. One of the heated controversies regarded to pros and cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is that whether they carry more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
are of the opinion that they have considerable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. I,
personally
, subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts outweigh
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they waste the priceless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, considering the prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, youth, and the way of using it which can flourish or languish future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, spending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to watching every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To clarify this notion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to do all of which are necessary to do as far as their success
is concerned
; like their
Possible spelling mistake found.
schools&
#039; task, their secondary activities like their art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. Considering the addictive essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, students spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them. They could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such a great period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their mental abilities are at the peak in this period of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They can adapt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by participating in workshops activities, social activities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more.
Psychologically
speaking, as we grow, our mental ability decreases and it is unavoidable. The memory of the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
cannot be comparable with
Possible spelling mistake found.
older&
#039; one.
For instance
, my sister and I held
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
approaches in our youth. She always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
;
in contrast
, I attended to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
like painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, volleyball
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more. These priceless experiences
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "helped me find"?
helped me to find
my interest, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I am a successful painter. By the contrast, my sister lost that precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the expense of watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she has not a prosperous life.

Secondly
, it is not to mention that in this modern life, everything is in the hand of powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world like wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth, and the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
television&
#039; s programs are no exception. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advantage from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, concept, and reports on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Considering such a frustrating fact, we cannot find accurate and reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more. This unavoidable occurrence brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, irrecoverable influences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more exposed to incorrect knowledge since they have not achieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experiences throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, unlike older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that
are equipped
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wisdom to separate correct and incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
thanks to their innumerable experiences. If the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, they would find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
most of which can affect
adversely
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In summary, with all this taken into account, I do believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is
really
noticeable in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
waste the beyond the price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give them misunderstanding about real life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
72Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay whether movies and television carry more positive effects for young or more negative impacts v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
539 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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