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Where do you see Myanmar in the next 5 years? How do you fit into this picture

Where do you see Myanmar in the next 5 years? How do you fit into this picture BMKGp
Starting from the last few years Myanmar has started developing in every sector mostly in the telecom and internet community. Although, starting from the middle of 2020 the development was slowing down because of Covid-19 and the small businesses were even shut down. However, some are still surviving with a work from home solution. But from 1st February 2021 all the businesses are nearly shut down and even some foreign investments are back out because of the Military Croup. Although telecom and internet community were improved, now all banks in Myanmar can’t withdraw money who are saving their own money at banks due to the fact of Military is controlling it. Some people are taking advantage of this and get the percentage who withdraw their own money. Consequently, I would like to encourage my people to use digital payment more to pass that kind of saturation. Also, in the health care sector all the hospitals don’t have a digitalized database for patient records and can’t share that record to each other. In the Covid-19 period that was a very huge impact for the patient. For example, the patient who has an allergy to some medicine but the doctor doesn’t have their record and gives the wrong medicine. In the next 5 years I hope Myanmar will be peaceful and when our elected government comes, we will develop and build the health care system with digitalization records. When fiber network infrastructure is ready, we will leap frog in the banking industry with digital and card payment systems. And then we still have to develop the eGovernment project, Smart City, Smart Home and IoT technology. So, I would like to share and contribute my knowledge on that. Mainly for eGovernment projects that need to create the database for all people in the country and that data must be secure. At that time cyber security is extremely essential because the Internet is very insecure and everybody can access it worldwide. Consequently, to access the internet securely plays an important role for banking, eGovernment, Smart City, Smart Home and IoT projects. So, I would like to study cyber security to be ready for the future. And if I get the chance to study cyber security, I can share my knowledge with the engineering students who are doing cyber security in their final project. And also, in events like Myanmar Network Operator Group (MMNOG) and Myanmar Internet Exchange (MMIX) I can also share with the audience. After my country is peaceful and develop in the future every person in my country should have cyber security knowledge. But currently most people are lack that knowledge. In Myanmar there was a saying “Prepare for the worse and try for the best”. So, I will try my best even in the current Croup and world pandemic situations. However, I believe Myanmar will undergo huge changes in the future and I also want to participate in those changes for my country as one of the Myanmar citizens.
Starting from the last few years Myanmar has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
developing in every sector
mostly
in the telecom and internet community. Although, starting from the middle of 2020 the development was slowing down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of Covid-19 and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses were even shut down.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
still
surviving with a work from home solution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from 1st February 2021 all the businesses are
nearly
shut down and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foreign investments are back out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the Military Croup.

Although telecom and internet community were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
all banks in Myanmar can’t withdraw money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are saving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money at banks due to the fact of Military is controlling it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taking advantage of this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
withdraw their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money.
Consequently
, I would like to encourage my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
digital payment more to pass that kind of saturation.
Also
, in the health care sector all the hospitals don’t have a digitalized database for patient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
and can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
to each other. In the Covid-19 period that was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge impact for the patient.
For example
, the patient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has an allergy to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the doctor doesn’t have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
and gives the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
medicine.

In the
next
5 years I hope Myanmar will be peaceful and when our elected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
, we will develop and build the health care system with digitalization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
. When fiber network infrastructure is ready, we will leap frog in the banking industry with digital and card payment systems. And then we
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
develop the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eGovernment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smart
City,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smart
Home and IoT technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
and contribute my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
on that.
Mainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
for eGovernment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
that need to create the database for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and that data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be secure.

At that time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is
extremely
essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the Internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
insecure and everybody can access it worldwide.
Consequently
, to access the internet
securely
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for banking,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eGovernment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smart
City,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smart
Home and IoT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would like to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
to be ready for the future. And if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
, I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
with the engineering students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
in their final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
. And
also
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like Myanmar Network Operator Group (
Possible spelling mistake found.
MMNOG
) and Myanmar Internet Exchange (
Possible spelling mistake found.
MMIX
) I can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
with the audience.

After my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is peaceful and develop in the future every person in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
currently
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lack that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. In Myanmar there was a saying “Prepare for the worse and try for the best”.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I will try my best even in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Croup and world pandemic situations.
However
, I believe Myanmar will undergo huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the future and I
also
want to participate in those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as one of the Myanmar citizens.
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IELTS essay Where do you see Myanmar in the next 5 years? How do you fit into this picture

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
498 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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