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Encouraging students towards profitable jobs

Encouraging students towards profitable jobs r1l82
This statement imposes that educational institutions should actively encourage students to participate in studying fields that will prepare them to engage in a profitable profession. There are various important parts in this statement that worth our attention and in order to have an in-depth understanding of what this statement implies, we are going to enumerate these different parts. Firstly educational institution is a considerably broad term; It can be deemed as an umbrella term consisting of various organizations and educational entities including universities, colleges, business schools, law schools, vocational training centers, language teaching centers, and of course typical high schools and so on. In the case of a standard public school or any typical university or college, it might not be a very cogent idea to encourage students to consider the financial aspect of their future field of study as a deciding factor. In this case, there is a de facto obligation upon these institutions to realize student's potential and subsequently actualize it in a proper way according to their aptitude. In these entities which on a higher level constitute what we know as an academic environment, the main vision is not to be economically profitable, but to attain knowledge which in many cases might not be the most lucrative choice. In an academic setting when we peruse among various fields of study, we are faced with a tremendous amount of fields and subfields which are substantial and vital but not very popular amongst the majority of students. Encouraging students towards specific fields that will yield a prosperous personal life economically, might lead to a one-dimensional society that will later on lack a certain amount of expertise in some of its vital sectors. In other cases on the other hand advising students to participate in job opportunities that will benefit them financially, might be a proper thing to do and sometimes a necessary one. For instance, in the case of a business school, it is a common and reasonable approach to encourage them to participate in some profitable jobs and of course preparing them for such a route. The same rationale is applicable in the case of training centers as well, which indeed should encourage individuals to participate in some lucrative activities.
This statement imposes that educational institutions should
actively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that will prepare them to engage in a profitable profession. There are various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts in this statement that worth our attention and in order to have an in-depth understanding of what this statement implies, we are going to enumerate these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts.

Firstly
educational institution is a
considerably
broad term; It can
be deemed
as an umbrella term consisting of various organizations and educational entities including universities, colleges, business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, vocational training centers, language teaching centers, and
of course
typical high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In the case of a standard public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or any typical university or college, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cogent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to consider the financial aspect of their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of study as a deciding factor.
In this case
, there is a de facto obligation upon these institutions to realize student's potential and
subsequently
actualize it
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
according to their aptitude.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
these entities which on a higher level constitute what we know as an academic environment, the main vision is not to be
economically
profitable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to attain knowledge which in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be the most lucrative choice.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
an academic setting when we peruse among various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of study, we
are faced
with a tremendous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
and subfields which are substantial and vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
towards specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that will yield a prosperous personal life
economically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to a one-dimensional society that will later on lack a certain amount of expertise in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its vital sectors.

In other cases
on the other hand
advising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in job opportunities that will benefit them
financially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a proper thing to do and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a necessary one.
For instance
, in the case of a business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it is a common and reasonable approach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profitable jobs and
of course
preparing them for such a route. The same rationale is applicable in the case of training centers
as well
, which
indeed
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lucrative activities.
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IELTS essay Encouraging students towards profitable jobs

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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