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Differences between coutnries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this? v.1

Differences between coutnries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this? v. 1
Some support the view that teaching music, art and drama are vital as compared to other subjects, particularly in primary classes. In my opinion, I agree to this view, as educating children at the primary level on music, arts and drama would help in educating them on key skills such as confidence and collaboration. This essay will discuss in detail on this view. Firstly, learning to sing or act or paint, gives a child the opportunity to explore their abilities. Such non-academic subjects give children the opportunities to perform in front of large audiences, which helps in raising their confidence levels. Furthermore, educating children in subjects at the primary level instills such skills for a lifetime. For example, my friend who was once very shy learned to confident after he learned to play the piano and started performing in front of audiences. It is not necessary that children would be able to get such skills from other academic subjects. Secondly, arts, music and drama help children the importance of collaboration or working in teams. In most cases these subjects require children to work in groups which teaches an important skill, which is teamwork. Working in teams is an important aspect, as this would help children to respect the ideas of others and would teach them on how to work along with others. For example, at my community school, the school football team is mainly made up of children from the school drama club, this has enabled them to play together as a team and win many leagues. In conclusion, non-academic subjects such as music, arts and drama are important and such subjects must be imparted to children from the primary level as it teaches them on key skills. Confidence and collaboration are vital skills which enables children to be more productive as they progress in school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
support the view that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
are vital as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
particularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
classes. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this view, as educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in educating them on key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as confidence and collaboration. This essay will discuss in detail on this view.

Firstly
, learning to sing or act or paint, gives a child the opportunity to explore their abilities. Such non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the opportunities to perform in front of large audiences, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in raising their confidence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
Furthermore
, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
instills such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for a lifetime.
For example
, my friend who was once
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shy learned to confident after he learned to play the piano and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
performing in front of audiences. It is not necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic subjects.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the importance of collaboration or working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
.
In most cases
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work in groups which teaches an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, which is teamwork. Working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect, as this would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to respect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of others and would teach them on how to work along with others.
For example
, at my community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is
mainly
made up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
club, this has enabled them to play together as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and win
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leagues.

In conclusion
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be imparted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
as it teaches them on key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Confidence and collaboration are vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more productive as they progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Differences between coutnries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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