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When planning a new town, it is observed by some that developing public parks and sports facilities is much more essential than building shopping centers for the citizens to spend their spare time in

When planning a new town, it is observed by some that developing public parks and sports facilities is much more essential than building shopping centers for the citizens to spend their spare time in ra1PN
When planning a new town, it is observed by some that developing public parks and sports facilities is much more essential than building shopping centers for the citizens to spend their spare time in. Personally, I strongly agree with this school of thought. On the one hand, developing shopping centers would be beneficial to publics for some reasons. The first reason is that building shopping centers could enhance the standard of living. This is because it will provide the residents more choices in buying items for themselves and their families. Secondly, it is a good way to spend time with family members in shopping centers at the weekends. In some sunny and hot days, engaging in outdoor activities might not be comfortable and also affect negatively on our health. Therefore, spending time in shopping centers which have air-conditioners is much better in those days. On the other hand, I would argue that we should concentrate more on developing public parks and sports facilities as these provide us significant advantages that shopping centers do not have. Firstly, public parks help people recharge the energy and be close to the nature, which can be helpful for our mental health. Moreover, when going for a walk in public parks, the residents can talk and keep in touch with their neighbors. As a result, the bonding among people in the neighborhood will increase. Secondly, constructing sports facilities such as gym, stadium and swimming pool would raise people’s awareness of doing exercises regularly. By doing exercises everday, people can strengthen their mussle and keep fit. In conclusion, although there are some merits of developing shopping centers, I would reaffirm that it is more important to invest money on constructing public parks and sports facilities when planning a new town.
When planning a new town, it
is observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is much more essential than building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
for the citizens to spend their spare time in.
Personally
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
would be beneficial to
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. The
first
reason is that building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
could enhance the standard of living. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will provide the residents more choices in buying items for themselves and their families.
Secondly
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to spend time with family members in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
at the weekends. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sunny and hot days, engaging in outdoor activities might not be comfortable and
also
affect
negatively
on our health.
Therefore
, spending time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
which have air-conditioners is much better in those days.

On the other hand
, I would argue that we should concentrate more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities as these provide us significant advantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
do not have.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recharge the energy and be close to the nature, which can be helpful for our mental health.
Moreover
, when going for a walk in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, the residents can talk and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their neighbors.
As a result
, the bonding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the neighborhood will increase.
Secondly
, constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities such as gym, stadium and swimming pool would raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness of doing exercises
regularly
. By doing exercises
Possible spelling mistake found.
everday
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can strengthen their
Possible spelling mistake found.
mussle
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
, I would reaffirm that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to invest money on constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities when planning a new town.
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IELTS essay When planning a new town, it is observed by some that developing public parks and sports facilities is much more essential than building shopping centers for the citizens to spend their spare time in

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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