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When new towns are planned it is more important to build the public parks and sports facilities.Do you agree or disagree?

When new towns are planned it is more important to build the public parks and sports facilities. Wg1g5
A number of people, believe that when a new city is prepared, it is most significant to added green gardens and games facilities for local community. I totally agree from this statement. I will discuss both views in my upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are numerous benefits by park? Predominantly, nowadays a plethora of people are used the personal vehicles. As a result, these vehicles creates the much pollution, which are adverse for everyone. Even that, by pollution masses can get in various trouble. For instance, heart hassles, and lungs problems. Consequently, green atmosphere is vital in every city. In the lite of the fact that, in green atmosphere when individuals are spent time, then they will receive the fresh air from there. Despite this, in green park there are various people like to visited. That’s mean, they can meet with different to different masses. After that, may improve the communication skills with them. Moreover, some old age people can walk in public garden. As a result, they may maintain their health. Probing ahead, what are the good effects from sports facilities? Firstly, present day there are a lot of people like to eat the fast food. Owning to the fact that, junk food is extremely tasty, according to them. As a result, by oily food they can get in obesity. Consequently, sports facilities are important for individuals. Due to the fact, if masses Visits in sports centre and play the games, then they will maintain their health. To cite can explain, one survey from doctors, they believe that when masses are played the games, they will safe from all health issues. As well as, they may feel the confidence also. Besides this, in sports centre people can enhance the knowledge about various games. To recapitulate, no doubt new cities are essential. On the contrary, others facilities are also vital for people. Due to the fact that, by these things masses can easily maintain their health and can safe from all health issues
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, believe that when a new city
is prepared
, it is most significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
gardens and games facilities for local community. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
from this statement. I will discuss both views in my upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous benefits by park?
Predominantly
, nowadays a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the personal vehicles.
As a result
, these vehicles creates the much pollution, which are adverse for everyone. Even that, by pollution masses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in various trouble.
For instance
, heart hassles, and lungs problems.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
atmosphere is vital in every city. In the lite of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
atmosphere when individuals
are spent
time, then they will receive the fresh air from there. Despite this, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
park there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
Did you mean "to visit"?
to visited
. That’s mean, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
masses. After that, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with them.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can walk in public garden.
As a result
, they may maintain their health.

Probing ahead, what are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effects from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities?
Firstly
, present day there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to eat the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. Owning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that, junk food is
extremely
tasty, according to them.
As a result
, by oily food they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in obesity.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for individuals. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, if masses Visits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and play the games, then they will maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. To cite can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, one survey from doctors, they believe that when masses
are played
the games, they will
The word "safe" is an adjective. Did you mean the verb "save"?
safe
from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
As well
as, they may feel the confidence
also
.
Besides
this, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enhance the knowledge about various games.

To recapitulate, no doubt new cities are essential.
On the contrary
, others facilities are
also
vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that, by these things masses can
easily
maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and can safe from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
issues
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IELTS essay When new towns are planned it is more important to build the public parks and sports facilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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