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student should find a part-time job

student should find a part-time job PkdXd
In the modern world, they prefer experiences to a university degree, for that reason in some countries, students are encouraged to have a part-time job in order to experience more. I totally agree with that point of view. To begin with, students who have a lot of free time will be attracted by the new things, they should find a part-time job as a result of learning social knowledge and satisfying their curiosity. Not only is the part-time job help teenager learn to control their financial expense on the contrary it also brings another opportunity to them. In addition, adolescents will understand how to consume their money correctly, moreover, according to Bao Moi’s information, the well-known interviewers in Vietnam, more than 60% of teenagers mention that they can take care of their money more maturity than before getting a part-time job. Nevertheless, they have to face a big problem in managing their college studies and jobs, dealing with stress and personal problems that affect youngsters, which also make difficulties to adults. In other viewpoint people objection to letting their child working in a temporary job, all youngsters should concentrate on studying and help parents do housework, teenagers are too young to have a part-time job, outside the door have a lot of treacherous, stay in safe is the best decision. In conclusion, I believe that students should find a temporary job in order to build up relationships and experience
In the modern world, they prefer experiences to a university degree, for that reason in
some
countries, students
are encouraged
to have a part-time
job
in order to experience more. I
totally
agree
with that point of view. To
begin
with, students who have
a lot of
free time will
be attracted
by the new things, they should find a part-time
job
as a result
of learning social knowledge and satisfying their curiosity. Not
only
is the part-time
job
help
teenager
learn to control their financial expense
on the contrary
it
also
brings another opportunity to them.
In addition
, adolescents will understand how to consume their money
correctly
,
moreover
, according to
Bao
Moi
’s information, the well-known interviewers in Vietnam, more than 60% of
teenagers
mention that they can take care of their money more maturity than
before
getting a part-time
job
.
Nevertheless
, they
have to
face a
big
problem in managing their college studies and
jobs
, dealing with
stress
and personal problems that affect youngsters, which
also
make
difficulties to adults. In other viewpoint
people
objection to letting their child working in a temporary
job
, all youngsters should concentrate on studying and
help
parents do housework,
teenagers
are too young to have a part-time
job
, outside the door have
a lot of
treacherous, stay in safe is the best decision.
In conclusion
, I believe that students should find a temporary
job
in order to build up relationships and
experience
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IELTS essay student should find a part-time job

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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