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Nowadays some people are giving more importance to consumer goods in their lives. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development and how do they weigh again each other?

Nowadays some people are giving more importance to consumer goods in their lives. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development and how do they weigh again each other? X76oN
In a hustle world of globalization, it is clear that convenient stuffs play an important role in our lives such as air conditioner, refrigerator or heater. With speedy development of technology, while several benefits create a luxurious life, we also cannot irgone some drawbacks which might threaten our natural environment. First of all, it is no doubt that the numerous consumer thing is beneficial for economic growth. The more people consume goods, the more social fund increases. By earning money from goods, the government would have a lot of taxes which develope infrastructures and invest in advance sciences. As a result, our living standard is improved and maybe some of fatal diseases are cured. Moreover, these consumer goods can save much time in daily life. Particularly, in stead of washing a ton of clothes in hours, they just put all of them in a machine then click and wait them clean less than an hour. Therefore, with busy people in the city, the necessary of consumer equitments seems bring many positive effects. However, it is also argued that these devices could have some negative aspects in human life. Most use of appliances requires high energy consumption which lead to a higher environmental pollution all around the would. Hence, the natural resources are exhausted and the price of fuel energy is lifted rapidly. Moreover, people who frequently rely on using consumer devices would become obesity and sedentary lifestyle. the cooked food in microwave is not good for health as probably lack subtenants for body growth. To include, in spite of all benefits, the drawbacks of using electrical devices should be certainly concerned. The government has to restrict consumption by rising taxes and declaring suitable policies. Besides, citizen should raise awareness about conserve our nature by reducing emission and toxic waste which from consumer goods.
In a hustle world of globalization, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that convenient stuffs play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
such as air conditioner, refrigerator or heater. With speedy development of technology, while several benefits create a luxurious life, we
also
cannot
Possible spelling mistake found.
irgone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which might threaten our natural environment.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is no doubt that the numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
thing is beneficial for economic growth. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, the more social fund increases. By earning money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
taxes which
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
infrastructures and invest in advance sciences.
As a result
, our living standard is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of fatal diseases
are cured
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can save much time in daily life.
Particularly
,
Did you mean "instead of"?
in stead of
washing a ton of clothes in hours, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
put all of them in a machine then click and wait them clean less than an hour.
Therefore
, with busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the city, the necessary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
Possible spelling mistake found.
equitments
Probably a preposition is missing after 'seems'.
seems bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

However
, it is
also
argued that these devices could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects in human life. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of appliances requires high energy consumption which lead to a higher environmental pollution all around the would.
Hence
, the natural resources
are exhausted
and the price of fuel energy
is lifted
rapidly
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
frequently
rely on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
devices would become obesity and sedentary lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
cooked food in microwave is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for health as
probably
lack subtenants for body growth.

To include,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
all benefits, the drawbacks of using electrical devices should be
certainly
concerned. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
restrict consumption by rising taxes and declaring suitable policies.
Besides
, citizen should raise awareness about conserve our nature by reducing emission and toxic waste which from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays some people are giving more importance to consumer goods in their lives. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development and how do they weigh again each other?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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