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When going to university, students getting to a part-time job or focusing fully on studying

When going to university, students getting to a part-time job or focusing fully on studying YRj9N
When going to university, students getting to a part-time job or focusing fully on studying. One important difference is the arrangement of time. We usually spend half a day going to school, then working part-time jobs half of our day, , there must be a balance between studying and working part-time. On the other hand, outside of school hours, you can spend time relaxing, resting, and hanging out with friends and family. Another difference is the skills, life experience. A part-time job will provide real-world experience for students. All those part-time jobs will somehow help our future. For example, tutoring will give us teaching experience, which is very useful for those who plan to be teachers in the future. However, focusing on studying will help you quickly absorb and review knowledge and experience from teachers and friends. Finally, a part-time job helps you to make ends meet, if your family is in financial difficulty. On the other hand, if your family is financially stable, then choosing to focus on your studies is advisable. In short, any choice has advantages and disadvantages, we have to think very carefully before choosing.
When going to university, students getting to a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or focusing
fully
on studying. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
difference is the arrangement of time. We
usually
spend half a day going to school, then working part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
half of our day,
Two consecutive commas
,
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a balance between studying and working part-time.
On the other hand
, outside of school hours, you can spend time relaxing, resting, and hanging out with friends and family. Another difference is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. A part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will provide real-world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for students. All those part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will somehow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our future.
For example
, tutoring will give us teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for those who plan to be teachers in the future.
However
, focusing on studying will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
quickly
absorb and review knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
from teachers and friends.
Finally
, a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, if your family is in financial difficulty.
On the other hand
, if your family is
financially
stable, then choosing to focus on your studies is advisable. In short, any choice has advantages and disadvantages, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing.
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IELTS essay When going to university, students getting to a part-time job or focusing fully on studying

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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