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Life is more comfortable today than 60 years ago

Life is more comfortable today than 60 years ago DYWp6
A fact that every individual should attest to is that, as compared to 60 years ago, nowadays the quality of healthcare is better and more responsive to the ever-changing health condition of the world. In the past, the quantity and quality of healthcare were very limited. There were fewer hospitals and clinics which lack of facilities. Moreover, the shortage of doctors caused the high death rate. In addition, on account of the lesser knowledge on diseases, people didn’t know the way to control so the diseases spread very easily. As the results, many people died although it is a small disease. On the other hand, nowadays, unlike in the past, treatments have improved a lot. Hazardous diseases such as small pox, measles, pneumonia, and even HIV and AIDS are treatable now. This is due to the dialysis chemotherapy, dure to the advanced of technology. Death rate declines.
A fact that every individual should attest to is that, as compared to 60 years ago, nowadays the quality of healthcare is better and more responsive to the ever-changing health condition of the world. In the past, the quantity and quality of healthcare were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited. There were fewer hospitals and clinics which lack of facilities.
Moreover
, the shortage of doctors caused the high death rate.
In addition
, on account of the lesser knowledge on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
didn’t know the way to control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
. As the results,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
although it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
On the other hand
, nowadays, unlike in the past, treatments have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
a lot. Hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
pox, measles, pneumonia, and even HIV and AIDS are treatable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This is due to the dialysis chemotherapy,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dure
to
The phrase 'the advanced of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advanced of
technology. Death rate declines.
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IELTS essay Life is more comfortable today than 60 years ago

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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