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When faced with a problem, some people do research before they act, others prefer to try to solve the problem right away. Which approach do you favor? v.1

When faced with a problem, some people do research before they act, others prefer to try to solve the problem right away. Which approach do you favor? v. 1
In the contemporary era, children have to face a variety of challenges during their educational journey in order to enrol in universities and have a bright future. Therefore, some people advocate that children only are allowed to attend activities relevant to education in order not to waste their free times. I strongly disagree with this view and the essay will discuss about my opinion and give examples as well. To begin with, recreational activities not only will contribute to children’ development rather assist them to master all necessary skills for their future academic studies and professional careers. Attending social activities or sports events will provide opportunities for them to practice the knowledge learned in classes; meanwhile, they will master new skills like communication, time management, cooperation, and so on. For example, enrolling football club or basketball club may help children to master the skills listed above and also enhance their bodies to grow stronger. Therefore, recreational activities are also a part of children’s normal daily life and also prepare them to become outstanding persons. In addition, it is reported that children learn and develop their personal characters through playing drama or playing with their peers. Early year education for toddlers and younger children will enhance their brains’ growth and cognitive capacities. For instance, some researches indicate that students who allow to participate the social clubs by their preferences not only have better academic performance rather master leadership skills which leads them to become important characters in societies in their later lives. Therefore, children should be allowed to play in terms of their personal favour. In conclusion, children may benefit from attending all kinds of recreational activities because they will learn knowledges and skills that are not taught at school due to the above reasons. The school curricula should include activities for children to enjoy their spare time. Besides, parents should support children’ attendance to leisure activities after schools which may help children to nurture healthy lifestyle and become smarter.
In the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face a variety of challenges during their educational journey in order to enrol in universities and have a bright future.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
relevant to education in order not to waste their free times. I
strongly
disagree with this view and the essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss my"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about my
opinion and give examples
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
development
rather
assist them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
all necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for their future academic studies and professional careers. Attending social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
will provide opportunities for them to practice the knowledge learned in classes; meanwhile, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like communication, time management, cooperation, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
, enrolling football club or basketball club may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
listed above and
also
enhance their bodies to grow stronger.
Therefore
, recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
also
a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
normal daily life and
also
prepare them to become outstanding persons.

In addition
, it
is reported
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn and develop their personal characters through playing drama or playing with their peers. Early year education for toddlers and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will enhance their brains’ growth and cognitive capacities.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches indicate that students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to participate the social clubs by their preferences not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have better academic performance
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
master
leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which leads them to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
characters in societies in their later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play in terms of their personal
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may benefit from attending all kinds of recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will learn
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that are not taught at school due to the above reasons. The school curricula should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enjoy their spare time.
Besides
, parents should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
attendance to leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
after schools which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to nurture healthy lifestyle and become smarter.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When faced with a problem, some people do research before they act, others prefer to try to solve the problem right away. Which approach do you favor? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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