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Some people want to be freinds with their parents, others prefer to maintain the more traditional parent-child relations. Which approach do you prefer? v.1

Some people want to be freinds with their parents, others prefer to maintain the more traditional parent-child relations. Which approach do you prefer? v. 1
It is believed that students prefer going to school to study the academic knowledge to pass the examinations to learning skills like cooking and dressing. Although academic subjects play an important role in the learners’ future career, students also learn more about life skills. On the one hand, educating the advanced lessons have a huge purpose for learners after they graduate. The results of basic education would directly report their academic performance in the examination records. If they gain a good result, they will have more opportunities to attend the best educational environment to expand horizons. Moreover, academic subjects equip students with fundamental knowledge which has already been taught in high school. For example, if they don't have the ability to graduate, they will be supported to pass the exam in several subjects such as Microeconomics and Advanced Mathematics which are very difficult to pass them. Without a deep understanding, students may fail the final exams and have to study these subjects again, which is time-consuming and costly. On the other hand, they also need to learn the practical skills to take care of themselves without parents’ help. When they live far from home for university studies, the practical skills are totally important to prepare their affordable meal which would maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Cooking at home instead of restaurants will reduce the eating out costs. After studying the academic subjects, they join in some clubs like dancing, volunteering to reduce the pressure at school. Following that, they would achieve good marks in exams. In conclusion, the scholars not only learn the advanced level, but they also improve their practical skills.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer going to school to study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge to pass the examinations to learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like cooking and dressing. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the learners’ future career,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
learn more about life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the one hand, educating the advanced lessons have a huge purpose for learners after they graduate. The results of basic education would
directly
report their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance in the examination records. If they gain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result, they will have more opportunities to attend the best educational environment to expand horizons.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with fundamental knowledge which has already
been taught
in high school.
For example
, if they don't have the ability to graduate, they will
be supported
to pass the exam in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as Microeconomics and Advanced Mathematics which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to pass them. Without a deep understanding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may fail the final exams and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
again, which is time-consuming and costly.

On the other hand
, they
also
need to learn the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to take care of themselves without parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from home for university studies, the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to prepare their affordable meal which would maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Cooking at home
instead
of restaurants will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the eating out costs. After studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clubs like dancing, volunteering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure at school. Following that, they would achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in exams.

In conclusion
, the scholars not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn the advanced level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people want to be freinds with their parents, others prefer to maintain the more traditional parent-child relations. Which approach do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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