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When discussing the article “A tribe Is Discovered?”, some people say that we should leave the Acre tribe alone to continue their contented lifestyles? What is your opinion about the statement?

When discussing the article “A tribe Is Discovered? ”, some people say that we should leave the Acre tribe alone to continue their contented lifestyles? What is your opinion about the statement? b21pg
It is undeniable that a significant discovery of a new tribe, the Acre, play an indisputably critical role in a diversity of ethnic groups in Brazil. This is also the centre of a number of controversies that whether officials should approve to leave the Acre tribe alone to continue their contented lifestyles or not. However, I suppose that authorities should have interventions on life of Acre tribe in light of a great number of reasons. The first and foremost benefit of this intervention is that the standard of living of this tribe could be fostered to a higher level of developments. In fact, the tribe will be facilitated to gain stable concrete houses in stead of their previous temporary wooden houses. Thanks to this, they are able to set their mind in rest in front of stormy or rainy seasons. Besides, they are also instructed other ways of making ends meet such as cultivating fruit trees or breeding cattle in lieu of hunting and gathering. The second substantial advantage is that the clan will receive better healthcare protections. Due to the fact that most members of the clan died from diseases introduced by illegal loggers such as the flu, the other members should be vaccinated as early as possible. With the helps of medical health policies, it could curb the death rates of viruses and increase their resistance and functions of immune system. The final invaluable thing is that they could obtain a great opportunity to integrate into a lot of aspects of modern life. Indeed, the best example of it is that the children tribe have chances to attend schools and acquire much more knowledge from basic to advance. Besides, the members of the tribe will adopt Western-style clothing and a money-based economy. In conclusion, I am convinced that it is necessary to intervene to the lifestyles of the Acre tribe to make their life more better and developed. I strongly believe that it is beneficial to the Acre tribe when they take assistance from the authorities.
It is undeniable that a significant discovery of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Acre
, play an
indisputably
critical role in a diversity of ethnic groups in Brazil. This is
also
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of a number of controversies that whether officials should approve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Acre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
alone to continue their contented lifestyles or not.
However
, I suppose that authorities should have interventions on life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Acre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
in light of a great number of reasons.

The
first
and foremost benefit of this intervention is that the standard of living of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
could
be fostered
to a higher level of developments. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
will
be facilitated
to gain stable concrete
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
Did you mean "instead of"?
in stead of
their previous temporary wooden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. Thanks to this, they are able to set their mind in rest in front of stormy or rainy seasons.
Besides
, they are
also
instructed other ways of making ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
such as cultivating fruit trees or breeding cattle in lieu of hunting and gathering.

The second substantial advantage is that the clan will receive better healthcare protections. Due to the fact that most members of the clan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from diseases introduced by illegal loggers such as the flu, the other members should
be vaccinated
as early as possible. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
of medical health policies, it could curb the death rates of viruses and increase their resistance and functions of immune system.

The final invaluable thing is that they could obtain a great opportunity to integrate into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects of modern life.
Indeed
, the best example of it is that the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
have chances to attend schools and acquire much more knowledge from basic to advance.
Besides
, the members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
will adopt Western-style clothing and a money-based economy.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that it is necessary to intervene to the lifestyles of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Acre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
and developed. I
strongly
believe that it is beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Acre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
when they take assistance from the authorities.
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IELTS essay When discussing the article “A tribe Is Discovered? ”, some people say that we should leave the Acre tribe alone to continue their contented lifestyles? What is your opinion about the statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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