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When designing a building the intended use of building should be taken into account rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

When designing a building the intended use of building should be taken into account rather than its outward appearance. QMwAb
It is believed that taking care of people with no home and no jobs is the responsibility of authorities. I completely agree with this opinion and i think that homeless and unemployed people should be cared by government. First of all, i think due to lack of home and many people loose their lives. People's with no place to live and are broke couldn't afford basic expenses like, food, clothes, health, etc. Because of which they are compelled to loose their life due to sleeplessness and hungryness. For example, nowdays we could see different news regarding the death of people due to cold climate and hunger. That is why government should be responsible towards thes people. Secondly, due to unemployed and homeless peoples the crime rate of the country is increasing. As people couldn't earn and don't have home inorder to gain that people aren't afraid of taking wrong steps which also alters or affects the development of the country. For an instance, if we analyze the persons committing crimes, many people's are compelled to do crimes inorder to live their life. So, if these people's aren't taken in consideration and taken care by government it isn't possible for a county to develop. In conclusion, people with no income and no place to live should be managed by government by increasing job opportunities and if possible providing shelter to those who are in extreme need. Which in return will help a government to develop from every aspects required.
It
is believed
that taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no home and no jobs is the responsibility of authorities. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that homeless and unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be cared
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's with no place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and are broke couldn't afford basic expenses like, food, clothes, health, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which they
are compelled
to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to sleeplessness and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hungryness
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
news regarding the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
climate and hunger.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be responsible towards
Possible spelling mistake found.
thes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to unemployed and homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
the crime rate of the country is increasing. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
couldn't earn and don't have home
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to gain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aren't afraid of taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
steps which
also
alters or affects the development of the country. For an instance, if we analyze the persons committing crimes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
are compelled
to do crimes
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's aren't taken in consideration and taken care by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
it isn't possible for a county to develop.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no income and no place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
should
be managed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by increasing job opportunities and if possible providing shelter to those who are in extreme need.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
in return will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to develop from every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
required.

IELTS essay When designing a building the intended use of building should be taken into account rather than its outward appearance.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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