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some people argue that it is important to have an incredible job then do on a lot of money or other disagree and think a good salary leads to a better life discuss both these views and give your own opinion

some people argue that it is important to have an incredible job then do on a lot of money or other disagree and think a good salary leads to a better life discuss both these views and give your own opinion 3gM8J
It is true that money is essential to survive. But does it really allow to have a prosperous life? Many individual believe that high payroll in office is more prominent than job satisfaction. however, I advocate job satisfaction is important. So, in this essay, I will discuss both sides using examples to prove arguments. Money is vital for survival and it leads to a comfortable life. So that, even if people do not like their job, they go to office just for the sake of money. In another word, highest salary is a crucial for employee because everyone have to spend plethora amount of money to get every commodity and accommodation that helps to make their life comfortable and happy. We, often see the case where employee have quit their job because of the low payment as minimal salary does not guarantee people to purchase everything that they require in their daily life. Therefore, for some people high remuneration is essential for happy life. On the other hand, some people think satisfied job is more crucial because if they are satisfied with what they are doing, it gives them a sense of fulfillment. And, it also give them better experience, confident, and motivation. In other word, satisfaction is a key which helps to keep people's life pleasurable. For example, a famous youtuber, Cyprian had quit his high pay job five years ago to follow his passion of a bush crafting and fishing by starting his own YouTube channel called "Cyprian adventures" which has now millions of views and subscribers from which he gains huge amount of income. He followed his passion and satisfaction instead of a big digital salary. Because of his satisfaction in what he is doing, it keeps him motivated, which allow him to make his life beautiful and happy at the same time. Therefore, it is prominent to have satisfaction in job. In conclusion, even though money is essential for survival. Personally, I believe that job satisfaction is the most crucial factor in order to make life happy and fulfilled because self-esteem and motivation cannot be purchased with money.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential to survive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
does it
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to have a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individual believe that high payroll in office is more prominent than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, I advocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this essay, I will discuss both sides using examples to prove arguments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is vital for survival and it leads to a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they go to office
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In another word,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
salary is a crucial for employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to spend plethora amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
every commodity and accommodation that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
comfortable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. We,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the case where employee have quit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the low payment as minimal salary does not guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
everything that they require in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
high remuneration is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
life.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they
are satisfied
with what they are doing, it gives them a sense of fulfillment. And, it
also
Did you mean "gives"?
give
them better experience, confident, and motivation. In other word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is a key which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
pleasurable.
For example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtuber
, Cyprian had quit his high pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
five years ago to follow his passion of a bush crafting and fishing by starting his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
YouTube channel called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Cyprian adventures
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
millions of views and subscribers from which he gains huge amount of income. He followed his passion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
instead
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
digital salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
in what he is doing, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
him motivated, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
at the same time.
Therefore
, it is prominent to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
in job.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential for survival.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is the most crucial factor in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and fulfilled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
self-esteem and motivation cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay some people argue that it is important to have an incredible job then do on a lot of money or other disagree and think a good salary leads to a better life discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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