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Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film starts, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money, and this has negative influence on other people. To what extent do you agree or disagrees?

Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film starts, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money, and this has negative influence on other people. s? g8xBA
Have you ever feeling about comparative deprivation? I believe majority of modern people’s average incomes are fairly same. Whereas, a few celebrities enormous income makes feel comparative deprivation to people. This negative affect into people’s life as a mentally and physically. There are few example in real life, I will explore this issue in the following essay. Firstly, it may lose people’s life goal and desire. This issue is huge obstacle that people can’t overcome. Most of celebrity expose their life style or showing off their wealth in broadcast media nowadays. Take an example from my recent experience. Recently, Youtube algorism take me to a one of sports star’s channel, that was Floyd Mayweather. He was professional boxer and retired few year’s ago and he showing off his wealth in Youtube channel with their team, called “MONEY TEAM”. He showing off his money and luxury cars and jewelry and so on. Those inappropriate behavior makes lose people’s will to work and they may give up their goal’s in life. Secondly, people who works with celebrities, they work in the unfair environment compare to celebrities. As many people knows, Many people contribute and work to make a movie. Such as a light team, sounds team, writer and editors and so on. Unfortunately they never get spot light on media. The only person who get spot light is an actor or actress. Which make them more popular and it bring it make them way wealthier. How about the other staff? They never get any spot light and reward. Even worse, some people get lay-off, because of paid more guarantee to actor or actress. I’d like to take a example from my experience when I was early 20’s. I used to work a very well-known musical theater in South Korea as a back stage staff with lower wage. When main actor ask to director for increase his guarantee and he also strongly insist to director that reduce stage staffs. Eventually, a few staff lost their job and some of them permanently leave musical field. In conclusion, too much paid to celebrity only occur negative affect to modern era. Deprivation, which make people’s will and desire, even lost their dream. People believe there is many solution to modify this problem. But I strongly believe that government need to heavily involve this issue.
Have you ever feeling about comparative deprivation? I believe
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
average incomes are
fairly
same.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
enormous income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
feel comparative deprivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as a mentally and
physically
. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun example seems to be countable; consider using: "few examples".
few example
in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I will explore this issue in the following essay.

Firstly
, it may lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goal and desire. This issue is huge obstacle that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can’t overcome. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
expose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style or showing off their wealth in broadcast media nowadays. Take an example from my recent experience. Recently,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
Possible spelling mistake found.
algorism
take me to a one of sports
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "stars"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'star' is not always incorrect.)
star
’s channel, that was Floyd
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mayweather
. He
Please check whether an article is missing: "was a professional" or "was an professional"
was professional
boxer and retired few
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'year'.
year’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ago and
Did you mean "he's showing", "he is showing", or "he was showing"?
he showing
off his wealth in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
channel with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, called “MONEY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TEAM”
.
Did you mean "He's showing", "He is showing", or "He was showing"?
He showing
off his money and luxury cars and jewelry and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Those inappropriate behavior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
will to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they may give up their goal’s in life.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "work"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
works
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the unfair environment compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
knows
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a movie. Such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, sounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, writer and editors and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Unfortunately they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
spot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
on media. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
spot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
is an actor or actress. Which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more popular and it bring it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them way wealthier. How about the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
? They never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any spot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
and reward. Even worse,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lay-off,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of paid more guarantee to actor or actress. I’d like to take
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
example from my experience when I was early
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20’s
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well-known musical theater in South Korea as a back stage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
with lower wage. When main actor
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'ask'. Remove it: "ask".
ask to
director for increase his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
guarantee and
he
also
strongly
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "insists", "insisted".
insist
to director that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
stage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
.
Eventually
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
lost their job and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
permanently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
musical field.

In conclusion
, too much paid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
affect to modern era. Deprivation, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
will and desire, even lost their dream.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe there is
Possible agreement error. The noun solution seems to be countable; consider using: "many solutions".
many solution
to modify this problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to
heavily
involve this issue.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film starts, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money, and this has negative influence on other people. s?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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