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When choosing a job, the salary is more important than job satisfaction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

When choosing a job, the salary is more important than job satisfaction. with this opinion? g8Y2d
It is logical to assume that income and job happiness are two of the foremost elements influencing people's career choices. Arguments have persisted that whether or not income is more significant than job satisfaction when it comes to pursuing a career. Although there are convincing rationales on both sides, I completely agree with this viewpoint and believe that income plays a crucial role in determining people's future careers. First of all, I certainly support the idea that a higher income equates to a higher living standard. To be specific, nowadays, the majority of people who get involved in companies’ staff consider earning money as an aspiration for being self-sufficiency and make a living. In addition to this point, when having a well-paid job, people have no cause of uneasiness about survival matters as well as the way to meet their necessities. For example, when interviewing some of successful and affluent people over the world, researchers have figured out that approximately 80% of them initially chose their jobs because of appealing wages they can earn during their entire period of work and have claimed that income is their motive to work more efficiently at the workplace. Secondly, it is undoubted that employees are enticed to work harder when they are paid well. If people feel a sense of satisfaction with the income they are earning, they are inclined to have a better performance which allows the companies to flourish dramatically in the near future. On the other hand, many individuals may find it necessary to do a second job to supplement their income if their employer does not pay them well. As a result, they are less productive and are more likely to abandon their occupations that may attribute to a loss in the number of staff in some companies. In summary, while it is widely claimed that job satisfaction is the most significant factor when choosing a job, I think that the advantages of making high income outweigh the lack of happiness in a long-term perspective. I strongly believe that job salary is more beneficial than job satisfaction because it makes people feel motivated to work and brings pleasure to their life.
It is logical to assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
happiness are two of the foremost elements influencing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's career choices. Arguments have persisted that
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is more significant than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to pursuing a career. Although there are convincing rationales on both sides, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
plays a crucial role in determining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's future careers.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
certainly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
equates to a higher living standard. To be specific, nowadays, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’ staff consider earning money as an aspiration for being self-sufficiency and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living.
In addition
to this point, when having a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no cause of uneasiness about survival matters
as well
as the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their necessities.
For example
, when interviewing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of successful and affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the world, researchers have figured out that approximately 80% of them
initially
chose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of appealing wages they can earn during their entire period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and have claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is their motive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
efficiently
at the workplace.

Secondly
, it
is undoubted
that employees
are enticed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder when they
are paid
well. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
they are earning, they
are inclined
to have a better performance which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to flourish
dramatically
in the near future.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals may find it necessary to do a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to supplement their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
if their employer does not pay them well.
As a result
, they are less productive and are more likely to abandon their occupations that may attribute to a loss in the number of staff in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In summary, while it is
widely
claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is the most significant factor when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages of making high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
outweigh the lack of happiness
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a long-term perspective".
in a long-term perspective
. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
salary is more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel motivated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and brings pleasure to their life.
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IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is more important than job satisfaction. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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