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Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success, while others believe that it is not the only thing that contributes to monetary achievements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success, while others believe that it is not the only thing that contributes to monetary achievements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion QMVjX
Although it is often believed that hard work is the key to be successful financially, some argue that sole hard work cannot bring financial success. In my opinion, I agree that continuous hard work is adequate to achieve the financial goal in any work domain. It is considered that hard work is the best only way to achieve financial success and I agree. Working hard mostly prove successful and hard workers are valued everywhere. Moreover, if someone endeavors again and again to meet the goal by working hard, he can gain it eventually no matter what the field of work it is. For instance, the majority of financially solvent people around the world have the analogous characteristics that they never gave up and worked hard to conquer all the obstacles. Hence, working hard and striving can be frustrating, but it is the predominant method to be successful financially. Admittedly, it is thought by some that hard work alone is not sufficient to gain the desired financial goal, and it may need talent as well. This is because being talented and veteran may make the work easy and they can be successful in a short period. Another point to consider is to love what people are doing. In other words, people should do the job if they love it which will help them to do a better job, and they can be successful easily. This will bring happiness also by finding a job they like, but it is hard to find a selective job in this competitive world, so people need to start working on what is available to them. In conclusion, while the other factors with hard work can be useful, it is hard to find altogether in a job. Therefore, only hard work can also bring the success financially in any field of work.
Although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
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hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the key to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
cannot bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
success. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is adequate to achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
goal in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
domain.

It
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
success and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
mostly
prove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
workers
are valued
everywhere.
Moreover
, if someone endeavors again and again to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the goal by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, he can gain it
eventually
no matter what the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
it is.
For instance
, the majority of
financially
solvent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world have the analogous characteristics that they never gave up and worked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to conquer all the obstacles.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and striving can be frustrating,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the predominant method to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
financially
.

Admittedly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
alone is not sufficient to gain the desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
goal, and it may need talent
as well
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being talented
and veteran may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easy and
they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in a short period. Another point to consider is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to do a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
easily
. This will bring happiness
also
by finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to find a selective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in this competitive world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on what is available to them.

In conclusion
, while the other factors with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be useful, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to find altogether in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
also
bring the success
financially
in any field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success, while others believe that it is not the only thing that contributes to monetary achievements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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