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When choosing a job. Money is the most important. To what extent? Do you agree or disagree?

When choosing a job. Money is the most important. 0wpP1
There are various reasons for someone selecting their job and one of the most important elements is money. I do not completely agree with this opinion. This essay indicates that How money is essential in human life but why it is not the most important. Nobody can deny the importance of money which creates a better quality of life. That is the reason why people are interested in salary more than the aspects related to favorites, working environment, and so on. A high-income resource helps make life easier when paying for bills such as electricity bills, water bills, insurance, house rental fees. Having a well-paid job may help purchase luxury items. It also brings people status symbols because the majority of people deem that those who have a high salary level are also richer and more talented. Therefore they receive the admired eyes from others. However, money can buy all but it is not all, the other factors are not less vital. If working in a pressured environment is out of control, it is quick, your physical and mental health can not suffer and leads to severe problems. Although working with a short salary, people satisfaction with their passion and having a close relationship with colleagues helps them be more comfortable. The fact that earning money is to bring a happier life, but nowadays, people forget that. To sum up, money plays a vital role in human life, especially the modern one. However, it does not scratch out passion, favorites, job satisfaction to other sites, money instead. Money is one of the many tools to bring to people a better life.
There are various reasons for someone selecting their job and one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
elements is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. This essay indicates that How
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why it is not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Nobody can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which creates a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in salary more than the aspects related to favorites, working environment, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. A high-income resource
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier when paying for bills such as electricity bills, water bills, insurance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rental fees. Having a well-paid job may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
luxury items. It
also
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
status symbols
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that those who have a high salary level are
also
richer and more talented.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they receive the admired eyes from others.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not all, the other factors are not less vital. If working in a pressured environment is out of control, it is quick, your physical and mental health can not suffer and leads to severe problems. Although working with a short salary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
satisfaction with their passion and having a close relationship with colleagues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them be more comfortable. The fact that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is to bring a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget that.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a vital role in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
especially
the modern one.
However
, it does not scratch out passion, favorites, job satisfaction to other sites,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tools to bring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay When choosing a job. Money is the most important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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