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what's the most influence of Media on our lives

what's the most influence of Media on our lives NwXrN
Generally speaking several advantages and also disadvantages have been cited as the impact of the media on our lives, but the most remarkable one that pops into my head is the influence of advertising on our purchasing amount. In my opinion companies always try to encourage individuals to buy goods even they don not really need. In addition they asked celebrities, athletics, etc to advertise their products. Consequently people who follow them buy those as soon as possible. Thus, however, it's good to be aware of up-to-minute fashion, it's better to not waste all our income just regarding advertisements
Generally
speaking several advantages and
also
disadvantages have
been cited
as the impact of the media on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most remarkable one that pops into my head is the influence of advertising on our purchasing amount. In my opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
always try to encourage individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
even they
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
really
need. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
asked celebrities, athletics, etc to advertise their products.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who follow them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Thus
,
however
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to be aware of up-to-minute fashion, it's better to not waste all our income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
regarding advertisements
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IELTS essay what's the most influence of Media on our lives

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
98 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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