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What's one thing you cannot live without and why?

What's one thing you cannot live without and why? QRG8L
There are some things in the world, which people cannot live without them, for example weather, water, eat, oxygen and stuff like them. I cannot live without them as well. If you ask me, what’s one thing you cannot live without that outside of them Of course I can say, I have 2 things which I cannot live without, the first books and also including pens copybooks and the second phone. At first, I want to tell about books. Books teach me how to be human, how to live in today’s modern and age. They give me a lot of experience and knowledge. Reading can save my life, Books help to learn new languages, this time I can meet to different people in different countries, at the moment I haven’t been other countries, but I hope that, one day I will go. Now I tell how to love books. When I was in 11th grade, I took an exam but I didn’t get an excellent mark, I wish I could I got 700 marks but it didn’t do, I cried all of my day. Even though I studied hard, I studied the whole day, day and night. And next day I searched in the Google about how to manage our time. I found Brian Tracy’s book, Eat that Frog, this is the name of book. I learned many things for my future. Of course I found the book the help of the phone, so now I tell about my phone which I cannot live without it, as second thing. Well, there are many people in the world, they cannot live without their phones but the people use it for meaningless things, that maybe boys use to meet girls or girls use to gossip. But there are some people who use it for their future or career. I can cite myself as an example. My parents bought phone for me when I was in the 11th grade, that day I was so happy because before I didn’t have a phone, I said to myself when I have a phone, I can learn much information and to meet new foreign people. When I went to the university, some group mates of mine used their time for meaningless things as an example Instagram, Facebook stuff like them and so on. of course this time, phones killed their essential time which they must use for their future or career. And that day I came back home I searched in the Google about how to use phone, I learned to watch motivation Videos, to be successful human and so on. At first I began to make a plan, second I moved the plan, I realized it makes me happy, from that time this time, I always watch motivation Videos, learn new languages and their cultures and about to learn successfully people. Even if I discovered my best English teacher, she is Teacher Aminat, all of them changed my life. Although I have learnt many information many things, with help of the phone, before I go to the bed I read book just 15 or 20 minutes. It help me to get up early and to be energetic. That’s why I cannot live without my books and my phones
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things in the world, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
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live
without them,
for example
weather, water, eat, oxygen and stuff like them. I cannot
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live
without them
as well
. If you ask me
If " what" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, what
’s one thing you cannot
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live
without that outside of them

Of course
I can say, I have 2 things which I cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without, the
first
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books
and
also
including pens copybooks and the second phone.

At
first
, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
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Books
teach me how to be human, how to
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live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern and age. They give me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience and knowledge. Reading can save my life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new languages, this
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time
I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
to
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different
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people
in
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different
countries, at the moment I haven’t been other countries,
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but
I hope that, one day I will go.

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Now
I
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tell
how to
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love
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books
. When I was in 11th grade, I took an exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I didn’t
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get
an excellent mark, I wish I could I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
700 marks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it didn’t do, I cried all of my day.
Even though
I studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, I studied the whole day, day and night. And
next
day I searched in the Google about how to manage our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I found Brian Tracy’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, Eat that Frog, this is the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
. I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things for my future. Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, I".
course I
found the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
,
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so
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now
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about my
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phone
which I cannot
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live
without it, as second thing.

Well, there are
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many
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people
in the world, they cannot
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live
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
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but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for meaningless things, that maybe boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
girls or girls
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
gossip.
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But
there are
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some
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for their future or career. I can cite myself as an example. My parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for me when I was in the 11th grade, that day I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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before
I didn’t have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, I said to myself when I have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
much information and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

When I went to the university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group mates of mine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
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time
for meaningless things as an example Instagram, Facebook
The singular proper name 'Facebook' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "stuffs", "stuffed".
stuff
like them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
of course
this
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time
,
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phones
killed their essential
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time
which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for their future or career. And that day I came back home I searched in the Google about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, I learned to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
motivation Videos, to be successful human and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. At
The comma is probably missing here: "first, I".
first I
began to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plan, second I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
the plan, I realized it
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makes
me happy, from that
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time
this
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time
, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
motivation Videos,
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learn
new languages and their cultures and about to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
successfully
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people
. Even if I discovered my best English teacher, she is Teacher
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aminat
, all of them
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changed
my life. Although I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much information", "a good deal of information".
many information
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many
things, with
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help
of the
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phone
,
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before
I go to the bed I read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
15 or 20 minutes. It
Did you mean "helps"?
help
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early and to be energetic. That’s why I cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and my
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
phones
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IELTS essay What's one thing you cannot live without and why?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
542 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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