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What's better for shopping : an afternoon downtown or a few hours in a shopping centre? Say why.

What's better for shopping: an afternoon downtown or a few hours in a shopping centre? Say why. x2kj6
A whole day of shopping is the dream of every girl, especially the young ones, and the nightmare of parents, boyfriends and men in general. Going shopping is something very important, and almost necessary for some people, but what's the best place to go and do it? Nowadays, shopping malls are very big and beautiful, full of shops and places where men can have a rest and children can have some fun, while mums and girlfriends are wasting their salaries. Moreover, in shopping malls shops close at 10 p. m. and are open also on Sunday, so also people that work all week can go there. The bad things are that in shopping malls there is always air conditioning, which is something that really annoys me, and there are no places where people can meet and have a conversation. The best thing about going shopping downtown is surely the fact that we can walk in the open air and that we can see monuments while going from one shop to another. On the other hand, being in the open air has negative aspects, for example when it rains or snows it becomes impossible to do some shopping without getting stressed or ill! In conclusion, I prefer going shopping in shopping malls just because there you can have a walk and relax: there are no cars honking at you and no sidewalks full of stressed people that push you because they are late! What chaos
A whole day of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is the dream of every girl,
especially
the young ones, and the

nightmare of parents, boyfriends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in general
. Going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,

and almost necessary for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what's the best place to go and do it?

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
, full of shops and places where

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can have a rest and children can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun, while
Possible spelling mistake found.
mums
and girlfriends are wasting their

salaries.
Moreover
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
shops close at 10 p. m. and are open
also
on Sunday,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
also


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that work all week can go there. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things are that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
there is

always air conditioning, which is something that
really
annoys me, and there are no places where

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and have a conversation.

The best thing about going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
downtown is
surely
the fact that we can walk in the

open air and that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
monuments while going from one shop to another.
On the other hand
,

being in the open air has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects,
for example
when it rains or snows it becomes

impossible to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
without getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
or ill!

In conclusion
, I prefer going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there you can have

a walk and relax: there are no cars honking at you and no sidewalks full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that

push you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are late! What
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
chaos
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IELTS essay What's better for shopping: an afternoon downtown or a few hours in a shopping centre? Say why.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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