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what would you suggest to someone if he was planning to come to your country to study abroad? give details, example to support response v.1

what would you suggest to someone if he was planning to come to your country to study abroad? give details, example to support response v. 1
Today, artificial intelligence has invaded into every field of technology. While some think that all jobs at the workplace would be ultimately superseded by robots, I, however, partially agree with this view. The most significant concern in terms of artificial intelligence is that robots cannot substitute academic and health care areas. To begin with the former, robot would not give a proper attention over each student as this job requires a keen observation and command towards every pupil, which is imparted by the invigilator in the classrooms. For later one, medical field demand empathy and therapeutic touch which would not possible by this programming machine to give. Therefore, the nurses cannot be replaced by robots due to their scrupulous treatment provided by hospital staff. Though artificial intelligence could dominate in commercial and manufacturing industries. In the banking sector, involving artificial intelligence would be beneficial since with the help of this it is possible to do an error free transaction easily and quickly, where human often make mistakes. As a result, they have to pay a heavy price for the loss. Moreover, in the manufacturing field, the most scenario are robots could take over human unemployment usually the task which needs a lot of efforts to complete. For example, the task of lifting heavy machinery parts which could be done effortlessly with the help of robots. In conclusion, despite making error free entries in commercial sectors and performing a heavy task in manufacturing areas, there are certain limits to artificial intelligence in the field of health care and academics where manual interaction is obligatory.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
has invaded into every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of technology. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all jobs at the workplace would be
ultimately
superseded by robots, I,
however
,
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

The most significant concern in terms of artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
is that robots cannot substitute academic and health care areas. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the former, robot would not give a proper attention over each student as this job requires a keen observation and command towards every pupil, which
is imparted
by the invigilator in the classrooms. For later one, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
demand empathy and therapeutic touch which would not possible by this programming machine to give.
Therefore
, the nurses cannot
be replaced
by robots due to their scrupulous treatment provided by hospital staff.

Though artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
could dominate in commercial and manufacturing industries. In the banking sector, involving artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
would be beneficial since with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this it is possible to do an error free transaction
easily
and
quickly
, where human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a heavy price for the loss.
Moreover
, in the manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, the most scenario are robots could take over human unemployment
usually
the task which needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts to complete.
For example
, the task of lifting heavy machinery parts which could
be done
effortlessly
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of robots.

In conclusion
, despite making error free entries in commercial sectors and performing a heavy task in manufacturing areas, there are certain limits to artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of health care and academics where manual interaction is obligatory.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay what would you suggest to someone if he was planning to come to your country to study abroad? give details, example to support response v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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