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What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.

What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person. Gr73B
On the first page of my diary, there is a line that my dad always told me when I was a kid, “Everyone has a different start on the race to the success. Even if you are not at an ideal place, in the beginning, it is your endeavor and determination of your dream that will speed you up to reach the finish line of that race. ” The place where I am at in the beginning is not as impressive as others. However, I never let it limit my ambitions; but instead, it is the light that fires my effort to achieve my dream. I was born in a middle-income family in Ho Chi Minh city. It is the place for people who come from different parts of Vietnam, who have different circumstances strive for a ticket of changing their life. My parents are among them. All of the parents have to work hard to improve the lives of us, their children. Every day in my childhood did not begin with a hot cup of milk carefully prepared by the warm hands of my mom, did not end with a couple pages of fairy tales told by the heartwarming voice of my dad. My mom left home at 3 am for work. My dad had a three-hour ride to his workplace by a broken-down motorbike that he bought when he got into college. Looking at my dad’s tired eyes when he came back home very late after work, or seeing my mom staying up late for housework, I try to be independent, so they do not have any worries about me. When I was in primary school, I finished my academic work right after classes so that my mom does not have to check it every night. When I was in Junior High School, I went to school by public buses so my dad could sleep 30 minutes more before his day of work. When I got into high school in Vietnam, I started using my motorcycle to go anywhere around the city. The more I grow up, the more I understand my parents’ hard work. Therefore, I share in their hard work whenever I have free time. My mom and I go to the kitchen and prepare the meal together every weekend. I help my dad take my little brother to school and extra classes when I have my own motorcycle. After their long days of work, I want to help them get over their tiredness by spending my time caring about them. Whenever my dad gets home late, he and I enjoy cups of hot chamomile tea and good conversation about his work together at the dining room table. Whenever my mom buys me a new pair of shoes, I ask her whether she also bought herself a new dress. I feel fortunate that my parents always do their best to support my ambitions. They never let finances get in the way of my dreams and passions. As a result, I always take seriously all the opportunities that my parents provide me. As a public school student in Vietnam, I had almost no preparation to study abroad. However, I still maintained that passion and self-learned English at home, taking some extra English courses to improve my proficiency. Even though my parents could not pay the full tuition for studying abroad, I earned a scholarship to help them pay for my studies in the U. S. Even though my family could only buy me an old desktop to support my developing interest in computer science, I still tried to make it as useful as possible, by learning programming languages, video-editing on it. Luckily, this computer had errors and problems all the time, which provided me an exceptional opportunity to develop my interest of fixing computer problems. The more challenging and difficult my life is, the more effort and determination I put to pursue my dreams. I engage my life motto to transform failures, difficulties and opportunities in my life into power that helps me achieve my goals. Give me a single match, I will use it to make fireworks.
On the
first
page of my diary, there is a line that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me when I was a kid, “Everyone has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
on the race to the success. Even if you are not at an ideal place, in the beginning, it is your endeavor and determination of your dream that will speed you up to reach the finish line of that race. ” The place where I am at in the beginning is not as impressive as others.
However
, I never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
it limit my ambitions;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
, it is the light that fires my effort to achieve my dream.

I
was born
in a middle-income family in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
. It is the place for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of Vietnam, who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
circumstances strive for a ticket of changing their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are among them.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of us, their children. Every day in my childhood did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with a hot cup of milk
carefully
prepared by the warm hands of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
, did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with a couple pages of fairy tales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
by the heartwarming voice of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
home at 3 am for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
had a three-hour ride to his workplace by a broken-down motorbike that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into college. Looking at my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad’s
tired eyes when he came back home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
late after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, or seeing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
staying up late for housework, I try to be independent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have any worries about me. When I was in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I finished my academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
right after classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
it every night. When I was in Junior High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
, I went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by public buses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
could sleep 30 minutes more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
his day of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
When
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in Vietnam, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using my motorcycle to go anywhere around the city.

The more I grow up, the more I understand my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
, I share in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
whenever I have free time. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
and I go to the kitchen and prepare the meal together every weekend. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
take my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
brother to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and extra classes when I have my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
motorcycle. After their long days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over their tiredness by spending my time caring about them. Whenever my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
home late, he and I enjoy cups of hot chamomile tea and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conversation about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together
This is a collocation error. Use "in" for rooms. Revise: "in the dining".
at the dining
room table. Whenever my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
me a new pair of shoes, I ask her whether she
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
herself a new dress.

I feel fortunate that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always do their best to support my ambitions. They never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
finances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the way of my dreams and passions.
As a result
, I always take
seriously
all the opportunities that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide me. As a public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
student in Vietnam, I had almost no preparation to study abroad.
However
, I
still
maintained that passion and self-learned English at home, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra English courses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my proficiency.
Even though
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could not pay the full tuition for studying abroad, I earned a scholarship to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them pay for my studies in the U. S.
Even though
my family could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
me an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
desktop to support my developing interest in computer science, I
still
tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it as useful as possible, by learning programming languages, video-editing on it. Luckily, this computer had errors and problems all the time, which provided me an exceptional opportunity to develop my interest of fixing computer problems. The more challenging and difficult my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is, the more effort and determination I put to pursue my dreams.

I engage my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
motto to transform failures, difficulties and opportunities in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
into power that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
me achieve my goals. Give me a single match, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fireworks.
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IELTS essay What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
691 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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