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Friends anf family bring more happiness than money and possessions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Friends anf family bring more happiness than money and possessions. e3D8J
It is believed that having a strong network of supportive family and friends brings more satisfaction than earning a lot of money or possessing an amount of assets. I partly agree with this view and will outline my reasons in this essay below. On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why earning enough money is essential. The first reason is that making money to provide the basic necessities for your family is indispensable. As a result, they can freely do whatever they want together and be able to give gifts that will make them happy. Another reason is that insufficient financing is considered to be the underlying cause of family or friend rivalry. For instance, couples that are struggling financially tend to have more arguments. On the other hand, the consequences on workaholics’s emotional and physical health are disastrous. Those who place excessive emphasis on money and materialism, for example, are related to depression and anxiety. Furthermore, it is important to surround ourselves with family and friends for support and comfort in both times of joy and distress. This can be attributed to the fact that we need people to turn to for advice and encouragement whenever we face difficult times. In conclusion, it seems to me that family relationship and companionship is the significant determinant of happiness but money is also a vital aspect.
It
is believed
that having a strong network of supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends brings more satisfaction than earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or possessing an amount of assets. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and will outline my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
in this essay below.

On the one hand, there are two compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to provide the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is indispensable.
As a result
, they can
freely
do whatever they want together and be able to give gifts that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that insufficient financing
is considered
to be the underlying cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or friend rivalry.
For instance
, couples that are struggling
financially
tend to have more arguments.

On the other hand
, the consequences on
Did you mean "workaholic’s" or "workaholics’"?
workaholics’s
emotional and physical health are disastrous. Those who place excessive emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and materialism,
for example
,
are related
to depression and anxiety.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to surround ourselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends for support and comfort in both times of joy and distress. This can
be attributed
to the fact that we need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to turn to for advice and encouragement whenever we face difficult times.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship and companionship is the significant determinant of happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
also
a vital aspect.
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IELTS essay Friends anf family bring more happiness than money and possessions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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