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what should we spent our money on?

what should we spent our money on? j86R8
Although some people agree that government tends to allocate more funds on the arts, other people side with opinion of shifting budget more into health and education. From my perspective, I consider that using the budget for education and health purposes would merit more for the future. On the one hand, many people think that the government ought to spend greater amount of money on health and education, and I agree. Shifting expenditures into education has the potential to bring substantial benefits along with a recoup of the cost many times over the years. For example, more funds invested in medical schools would return with more qualified doctors and nurses. Furthermore, it is evident that utilizing the budget for health purposes would lead to a rise in mental and physical health levels of the public. This was shown with a recent study that disease prevention and frequency of depression progressively drops in countries where expenses in health are increased. On the other hand, some people think that the government should allocate their resources on the arts. This approach can be considered beneficial because it causes a rise in the general happiness level among society. However, this is mostly a temporary effect, and it does not serve any benefits for the future. For example, a concert where expenses are covered by the government has the ability to bring happiness to the public, but from the cost aspect, the money spent will be a waste of useful and crucial resources. In conclusion, it is supported by evidence that wise incorporation of funds into education and health would be compensated many times in time while high expenditure on the arts can be considered as a waste of capital.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
tends to allocate more funds on the arts, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
side with opinion of shifting budget more into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. From my perspective, I consider that using the budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
purposes would merit more for the future.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to spend greater amount of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Shifting expenditures into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has the potential to bring substantial benefits along with
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'recoup' is correct. If 'recoup' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a recoup
of the cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times over the years.
For example
, more funds invested in medical schools would return with more qualified doctors and nurses.
Furthermore
, it is evident that utilizing the budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
purposes would lead to a rise in mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
levels of the public. This
was shown
with a recent study that disease prevention and frequency of depression
progressively
drops in countries where expenses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are increased
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate their resources on the arts. This approach can
be considered
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it causes a rise in the general happiness level among society.
However
, this is
mostly
a temporary effect, and it does not serve any benefits for the future.
For example
, a concert where expenses
are covered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the ability to bring happiness to the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from the cost aspect, the money spent will be a waste of useful and crucial resources.

In conclusion
, it
is supported
by evidence that wise incorporation of funds into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
would
be compensated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times in time while high expenditure on the arts can
be considered
as a waste of capital.
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IELTS essay what should we spent our money on?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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