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vandalism is a big problem in our and teenagers are largely to blame

vandalism is a big problem in our and teenagers are largely to blame YR7gm
Today, our cities where we live which have crime rates are increasing rapidly, especially vandalism. Most people say that they have suffered too many injuries from this serious problem and also when juveniles were criticized widely. In this essay, I will discuss why vandalism and teenagers are considered as the hottest controversy of the world. First of all, vandalism is defined as the act of destruction or damage of public or private property. According to psychologists, the reason why they do that is because they are from lower economic-groups such as employers. Hence, it is revealing the social problem of a poor economy and lack of acknowledgement. They are seen as a hopeless person with doing nothing and easily angry at everything Secondly, the issues that always drive teenagers to vandalism are their desire to express themselves, their desire for attention, and their potential to study the behavior of their peers. It is possible that their parents did not pay enough attention to them because they had a lot of work to do, or that their parents are the type of parents who do not care about their children. It is because parents nowadays have a lot of work to do, such as housework, child care, and their commitment to their work and society. To seize their parents' attention, they will commit vandalism so that their parents will pay attention to them. To sum up, vandalism can be harmful if we don’t prevent them earlier. Not only the people are affected, but also the future of the young generation will be destroyed. As a result, I strongly believe that the government and the family will assign more solutions and take care of their children frequently in order to decrease vandalism as soon as possible.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, our cities where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
which have crime rates are increasing
rapidly
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vandalism
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that they have suffered too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
injuries from this serious problem and
also
when juveniles
were criticized
widely
. In this essay, I will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vandalism
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are considered
as the hottest controversy of the world.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vandalism
is defined
as the act of destruction or
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
public or private property. According to psychologists, the reason why they do
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are from lower economic-groups such as employers.
Hence
, it is revealing the social problem of a poor economy and lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'acknowledgement' is British English.
acknowledgement
. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a hopeless person with doing nothing and
easily
angry at
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
everything


Secondly
, the issues that always drive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vandalism
are their desire to express themselves, their desire for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
, and their potential to study the behavior of their peers. It is possible that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work to do, or that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who do not care about their children. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nowadays have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work to do, such as housework, child care, and their commitment to their work and society. To seize their parents'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
, they will commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vandalism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to them.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vandalism
can be harmful if we don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them earlier. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the future of the young generation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
As a result
, I
strongly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the family will assign more solutions and take care of their children
frequently
in order to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vandalism
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
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IELTS essay vandalism is a big problem in our and teenagers are largely to blame

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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