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What should we do to solve the housing problem in big cities?

What should we do to solve the housing problem in big cities? g5WB1
It is obvious that in big cities, the supply of houses is unable to meet the need for shelters. No matter how urgent it is, we still have some feasible measures to tackle this housing problem. Firstly, building more apartments instead of houses might help mitigate the issue about housing shortage. Since an apartment can accommodate a tremendously higher number of people than a house can, governments should encourage the citizens to buy flats rather than their own houses. The flats, therefore, should be fully and comfortably furnished as well as at an affordable price. Secondly, it is highly recommended that governments restrict the increase in population, which help decrease the excessive demand for houses. This could be done by limiting the number of children born in families. In Vietnam, for example, because of the large population, the government enforces the rule that each Vietnamese family must not bear more than two children. In conclusion, the housing shortage is becoming an acute problem in many cities. However, we can still address this problem with cited solutions.
It is obvious that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, the supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
is unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the need for shelters. No matter how urgent it is, we
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible measures to tackle this housing problem.
Firstly
, building more apartments
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mitigate the issue about housing shortage. Since an apartment can accommodate a
tremendously
higher number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
can,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage the citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
flats
rather
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
. The flats,
therefore
, should be
fully
and
comfortably
furnished
as well
as at an affordable price.
Secondly
, it is
highly
recommended that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
restrict the increase in population, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decrease the excessive demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
. This could
be done
by limiting the number of children born in families. In Vietnam,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the large population, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
enforces the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that each Vietnamese family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not bear more than two children.
In conclusion
, the housing shortage is becoming an acute problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities.
However
, we can
still
address this problem with cited solutions.
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IELTS essay What should we do to solve the housing problem in big cities?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
176 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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