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What school marks can do?

What school marks can do? OyRe7
Up to now, scores have been a standard to judge one’s studying process at school, but in these days, it is driving students to considerable stress. This becomes a hot educational topic for debate. These following lines gives three main personal views of the writer and discusses about whether people should or should not eliminate giving scores at school. First of all, it is recognized that school mark contributes a small part to show how a learner studies and motivate his learning habit. As a fact that, exams are given by each term and students have to acquire all the information from textbooks and even extra materials. In the tests, the questions from low to high level may perform the width of knowledge that learners comprehend. However, this may lead to a substantial pressure on them because not all of them are able to be good at every field, but they have to get higher marks only in order not to be ashamed. Second of all, school mark is not everything because sometimes good score does not mean a student can perfectly solve matters of subjects. For instance, in many countries that schools do not get enough conditions to support tools for students like Vietnam, the natural subjects such as Physics, Biology and Chemistry are only studied through paper documents and videos of experiments. Consequently, the tests of these subjects are only theories and impractical because learners are not able to do real experiments in person. Therefore, scores are meaningless without practicing. Finally, the writer will discuss if school marks should be removed or not. In one hand, when a students who wants to apply for scholarship of a university she dreams, her good result at high school, together with extracurricular activities or projects she attended and managed, will be an advantage. Thus, score is a basic sector of condition to purchase a scholarship. However, in other hand, this is usual for those who are extremely excellent, but rare for normal people. As it is obviously known, each person is expert in various gifted abilities, so we must determine what we are good at and make a plan to pursue our dreams. Hence, in the writer’s opinion, scores do not have to be deleted as we just need to know what we want to do and our true purposes to study, not because of being afraid of losing face.
Up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scores
have been a standard to judge one’s studying process at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in these days, it is driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This becomes a hot educational topic for debate. These following lines gives three main personal views of the writer and
Did you mean simply "discusses whether"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discusses about whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should or should not eliminate giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scores
at school.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
is recognized
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mark
contributes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how a learner studies and motivate his learning habit. As a fact that, exams are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by each term and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
acquire all the information from textbooks and even extra materials. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
, the questions from low to high level may perform the width of knowledge that learners comprehend.
However
, this may lead to a substantial pressure on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not all of them are able to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at every field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in order not to
be ashamed
.

Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mark
is not everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
does not mean a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
perfectly
solve matters of subjects.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
conditions to support tools for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like Vietnam, the natural subjects such as Physics, Biology and Chemistry are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studied through paper documents and videos of experiments.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
of these subjects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theories and impractical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learners are not able to do real experiments in person.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scores
are meaningless without practicing.

Finally
, the writer will discuss if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
should
be removed
or not. In one hand, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
Did you mean "want"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
wants
to apply for scholarship of a university she dreams, her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
result at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, together with extracurricular activities or projects she attended and managed, will be an advantage.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
is a basic sector of condition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a scholarship.
However
, in other hand, this is usual for those who are
extremely
excellent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rare for normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As it is
obviously
known, each person is expert in various gifted abilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
determine what we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plan to pursue our dreams.
Hence
, in the writer’s opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scores
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be deleted
as we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to know what we want to do and our true purposes to study, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being

afraid of losing
The noun should be probably in the plural form: "faces".
face
.
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IELTS essay What school marks can do?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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