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Is one road to success better than another?

Is one road to success better than another? GJ3MB
Being successful is different for everyone, therefore there are two reasons why one road to success is not better than another. Firstly, person has different goals to achieve in many areas of life. Success is when you accomplish the aim that you set. So, a woman feels successful when she has a happy family that she dreams about, and she has comfortable with current job what gives her more time to spent with her children. An employee take an advancement in company after few years working around the clock. Secondly, the approach to success is not the same for everyone. There is a traditional path which you step one by one to touch the goal. For instance, after graduation, you get a job in a big company at a bottom level. You devote your whole life to this company, so your boss see your loyalty, your serious attitude, and you feel happy because your company is like your family even you do not earn much money more as your friends. On the other hand, some people chose a non-traditional for advancement. They may start at a small company and climb the ladder when they can. They can find a similar position, but better pay, or quick promotion. Otherwise, they start as new position with better benefits such as international business trip, commission, and so on. In conclusion, there is not a road better than another, it is important that you can achieve your target be called success.
Being successful is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for everyone,
therefore
there are two reasons why one road to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than another.
Firstly
, person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
goals to achieve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
is when you accomplish the aim that you set.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a woman feels successful when she has a happy family that she dreams about, and she has comfortable with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
job what gives her more time to spent with her children. An employee take an advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
after few years working around the clock.
Secondly
, the approach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not the same for everyone. There is a traditional path which you step one by one to touch the goal.
For instance
, after graduation, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
at a bottom level. You devote your whole life to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
your boss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
your loyalty, your serious attitude, and you feel happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is like your family even you do not earn much money more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
your friends.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose a non-traditional for advancement. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and climb the ladder when they can. They can find a similar position,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
pay, or quick promotion.
Otherwise
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
as new position with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
benefits such as international business trip, commission, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In conclusion
, there is not a road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than another, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that you can achieve your target
be called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
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IELTS essay Is one road to success better than another?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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