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What role do computers play in your life?

What role do computers play in your life? gDwP3
When we are watching too much with the computer, we understand the passage of time because our brain is involved with their computer maybe we forget drinking water and eating food. The game and social media can be involved us with the computer. People get passionate when playing with the computer because their brain is involved with the new phenomenon. Excessive computer use can have effects on our eyes and in the future maybe we having glasses. Unfortunately, at this time, everything depends on the computer we have to learn to work with the computer. In an office in the home and everywhere we have involved whit the computer. The computer can eradicate ignorance. Computers are everywhere, in the watches, in the car, into your house, everywhere you see. In the future, the most important job will be related to computers. We have been learning computers. In the first of genesis computers until now, everything is changed, for example, the first computer has a heavyweight and engaged huge space everywhere. Nowadays computers can be placed in your bag or pocket this is the amazing change in this industrial. Although some people unhappy to penetrate this industry in your jobs, I think computers can help every person, for example, in the car industry, we saw robots replaced with humans.
When we are watching too much with the computer, we understand the passage of time
because
our brain
is involved
with their computer maybe we forget drinking water and eating food.

The game and social media can
be involved
us with the computer.

People
get
passionate when playing with the computer
because
their brain
is involved
with the new phenomenon.

Excessive computer
use
can have effects on our eyes and in the future maybe
we having
glasses.

Unfortunately, at this time, everything depends on the computer we
have to
learn to work with the computer.

In an office in the home and
everywhere
we have involved whit the computer.

The computer can eradicate ignorance.

Computers are
everywhere
, in the
watches
, in the car, into your
house
,
everywhere
you
see
.

In the future, the most
important
job will
be related
to computers. We have been learning computers.

In the
first
of genesis computers until
now
, everything is
changed
,
for example
, the
first
computer has a heavyweight and engaged huge space
everywhere
. Nowadays computers can
be placed
in your bag or pocket this is the amazing
change
in this industrial.

Although
some
people
unhappy to penetrate this industry in your jobs, I
think
computers can
help
every person,
for example
, in the car industry, we
saw
robots replaced with humans.
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IELTS essay What role do computers play in your life?

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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